The Inevitable Fanfiction

“I’m sorry... Of course... Alright... Take care... Yes. Bye,” Simon Fuller hangs up the phone, his mood solemn. It was the live shows, and they were currently at a commercial break. Fuller gestured to Ryan who was making jokes to the audience to come over to where he was. He could see Ryan wince playfully and signal a cutting sign at his throat meaning death. The group of young girls around him laughed. Satisfied and oblivious of what news was about to come, he waltzed over to Simon.

“Hey there, boss,” Ryan says. When Fuller gives no hint of a smile, Ryan’s mood sobers up. “What’s wrong?”

“That was Simon’s brother, Nicholas. It seems their mum has been having blank-outs and dizziness. And this time she fell down the stairs when she blanked out and broke her hip bone and hurt her arm. She is awfully fragile and old, and the doctors aren’t sure if she’s going to make it.” Simon says softly.

“Come on, we have to tell Cowell!” Ryan exclaims, feeling the pain of his close friend who was a lot like an older brother to him.

“We can’t. We’re in the middle of a live show. But I need you to tell Paula, Randy and Kara so that they can be there for him and tell him after the show – along with you.”

“Fuller... That’s his mother. You can’t do that to him. He never even got to say goodbye to his dad and what if she doesn’t make it through this next hour?” Ryan shakes his head.

“I’m sorry Ryan. I know it may sound heartless of me but you have to understand I have to do what’s best for the show,” Fuller hangs his head.

“You should be doing what’s best for your friend. You’re right though...” Ryan pauses, glaring. “It is heartless of you.” He gives his boss another cold look before running to catch up with Paula who was on her way to the bathroom. He runs across the large stage and down the side stairs, making Randy, Kara and Simon look over at him strangely from where they were sitting at the judges table.

“Paula!” He calls, about ten feet behind her, now slowing to a jog. She whirls around and gave him a curious smile. “I’ve got to tell you something,” Ryan replays the information he has just received to Paula and he watched as her small smile vanished and her eyes lost their beautiful sparkle.

“Oh God,” Her eyes water. “Not Julie. Not Simon.” Ryan pulls her into a tight hug, stroking her hair. “Does he know yet?” She asks, her words muffled as she had her face in his shirt, a few tears wetting it.

“Fuller said we can’t tell him until after the show,” He replies bitterly. She pulls back abruptly and wiped the corner of her eyes.

"WHAT?! Of course we have to tell him. What if she doesn’t make it? Every second counts!” She yells passionately and started walking swiftly back to the stage area, her visit to the bathroom insignificant and forgotten.

“Paula,” Ryan breathes, pulling her arm. She again turns to him. “You know he’ll sue if we ruin his show right?”

“He can have all the damn money he wants! I don’t give a shit. Simon needs to know about Julie. It’s his show and his mother. He can make the choice,” She yanks her arm out of Ryan’s grasp and walks even faster to where Simon is.

Her eyes immediately find his familiar face at the judging table and she watches as he throws his head back laughing at something Randy had said. She loves his smile, his laugh. She loves to see him happy. And what he was soon to find out would make him feel quite the opposite. Paula’s own heart was breaking at the thought of Julie no longer being with them anymore. She couldn’t even imagine what it would be like for Simon and his brothers.

Paula holds back a few tears, blinking and turns to Ryan was now next to her.“Do Randy and Kara know?” Paula asks quietly, her anger forgotten.

“I think Fuller is about to tell them,” He points to where they were and saw Simon Fuller call Randy over discretely. By the time Paula had walked half way over to them; Randy had already come back with a glum face and whispered to Kara the obvious summarised version at it was a short whisper. Simon looks at them perplexed and Paula was close enough to hear him.

“What’s got you two in the dumps all of a sudden?” Simon asks.

“Eh... nothing, dude. Nothing,” Randy gives a half smile and met Paula’s eyes. She matches his half smile before giving her attention to Simon. Paula puts her hand on his arm and he smiles warmly at her. She opens her mouth to tell him they needed to talk but they are interrupted.

“And we’re back in five...” One of the crew members say in the microphone for everyone to hear. “Four... Three...” and he used his fingers to mime ‘two’ and ‘one’. There was also a countdown clock on the screen. And they are live.

Ryan starts his usual commentary on stage, trying to be as bubbly as possible. His eyes keep shifting to where the judges had just sat down and Paula is still holding onto Simon’s arm. Simon looks at her sad and desperate eyes and leans in towards her.

“Darling?” He asks in a hushed tone. She meets his eyes with her doe like ones, tears threatening to spill at any second. He puts his arm on the back of her chair before moving it to her shoulders so he could hold her close the best he could on television.

“Randy!” Ryan calls. “How do you think these guys did yesterday?” He refers to the three contestants who had been put in the spotlight. Paula’s lower lip begins to tremble as she leans into Simon who was paying no attention as Randy critiqued in what he hoped seemed like his usual upbeat manner. Simon whispers in her ear again, keeping them leaned away from the microphone.

“Paula? Is your family alright? Your friends? What happened?” He asked worriedly. She takes in a wavering breathe.

“You know what, I can’t do this...” She says, not being able to keep her voice at a whispering level due to her lack of breathe as she held in her tears. There was heartbreak in every syllable she pronounced.

She stands up and takes Simon’s hand, pulling him to the corner of the judging area. He follows her warily; afraid of what was coming out of her mouth next. Randy’s critiques dies on his lips mid-sentence. At this point all eyes were on them and there wasn’t a single sound except for Paula’s choked words.

“Simon... you’re mom is in the hospital right now. Nick called. She has broken her hip bone and she might not make it-” She chokes as the tears spilled freely down her face and she hugged Simon tightly. Her arms weave around his neck and she pulled him close, sharing his pain.

To the audience and the contestants, her voice was too soft to be heard and they all itch to know what was going on.

“What?!... No. Oh God, no,” He swears quietly, shaking his head from side to side. He covers his face with his hands. The audience definitely heard him and started mumbling to themselves while Fuller cursed. “Not make it? She has to! She’s got to be alright...” Simon mutters dejectedly.

“Get your plane. You need to go to her,” Paula murmurs, holding onto him tightly. Randy and Kara came up and hug them. Neither moved their arms to join the group embrace though, both needing each other more than anyone else.

“Alright, I’m going.” Simon says. A tear spills from his eye down to his now red cheeks and he wipes it away hastily. He walks up to where his microphone was at the judges table and speaks to the audience.

“I’m sorry I won’t be able to do the show tonight. There is a family emergency,” He said. A group of fan girls in the audience screamed ‘We love you, Simon.’ All he can do is nod in their direction.

“The show will continue after the break,” Ryan says abruptly. And they’re off the air once more.
Paula’s small hand on his back makes Simon turn to her. “I’m coming with you,” She tells him.

“Paula, you have to stay,” Simon Fuller interrupts, stepping onto the judging area. “We need at least three judges.” She glares.

“No. I want to see Julie,” She stands firm.

“You come after the show okay? I’ll send a plane for you,” Simon whispers in her ear, pulling her back to his chest, his arms wrapping around her waist. A few more tears escape him and this time he doesn’t bother wiping them away. She gives in for his sake. She has learnt to give and take with Simon.

“Go to her, honey,” She feathers his cheek with kisses the same way he has kissed hers so many times before. She holds him protectively and possessively like he has done for her when she had run to him as if there was no one else in the world that could help her. The truth was, there wasn’t.

“Be safe,” Kara says, rubbing Simon’s back. Randy pats his back too. Ryan hugs the five of them together. Simon barely notices.

“I love you,” Paula says, pulling him even tighter to her. He kisses her lips, desperate for her comfort. She puts her hands on his cheeks and pulled him down again for another. It is sloppy and yet full of everything they don’t say at that moment. They can both taste the others’ salty tears that had run to their lips. Pulling back begrudgingly, Simon looks into Paula’s eyes one more time and the glassy haze that clouds his beautiful hazel eyes makes her want to run with him. She doesn’t want to stay. He turns away and jogs to the exit wiping his tears with his sleeve as he did so.

“30 seconds!” The same voice in the speaker comes again and Kara coaxes Paula to sit down. She watches ruefully as a stage hand rolls Simon’s chair away. She fights the urge to pull it back. The thought of Simon having to go there alone is unbearable. How many countless of times did he comfort her when she needed it most in these past few years? And there he was, his mother dying and he had to face several hours of agony by himself, with no one to talk to, in his plane hoping and praying for his mother? No. No way in hell.

“I’m sorry. I can’t,” Paula shakes her head, her voice still in that soft heartbreaking tone. Simon would not leave without her. Having heard her, he turns back, his eyes showing the faintest hint of a sparkle as he saw her running to him. His phone was to his ear and she was sure he was calling his pilot. He holds out his free hand and when she is close enough, she grabs it and they jog out together.

It might have been beautiful and romantic; the way Paula had run after him, unable to watch him leave without her. But there were too many tear stains on their faces and too much ache in their hearts for anything to seem beautiful at that moment.

They exit through a side door, to avoid the paparazzi which they know were all over the main exits. Quickly, they slide into Simon’s Bentley and he jams the car key into the ignition. And they are off. They are silent for a long while, the only sounds being the engine and the traffic around them. Paula watches Simon. His eyes are opened wide trying to keep the tears from falling. His hand on the gearshift is holding on so tightly, that his knuckles are turning white. His lower lip quivers like a little boy. She has never seen him so vulnerable. She hates it. She wanted everything to be alright. Afraid for his hand, she placed her own on top of it and laces her fingers through his. He glances at her and his expression softens as if he is comforted with that simple touch. He is. Paula brings his hand up to her lips and brushes them over his knuckles. He squeezes her hand softly, pulling their joint ones back to the gear shift without letting go.

Finally, they reach the airport. The trip seemed hours longer than it really was. The whole journey from the studio to the aeroplane goes by like in a dream, surreal and blurry. Simon takes his phone out of his pocket and calls Nicholas, draping his other arm on Paula’s shoulders, pulling her close so she can hide from the photographers who are surely there somewhere.

“Nick,” He breathes, relieved as his younger brother of just over a year picks up. “How is she?” He asks softly, afraid of the answer.

“Right now, unstable. They’re not sure if she can handle the pain medication – It’s a strong dosage... Where are you?” Nick sounds just as shattered as Simon.

“We’re getting in the plane right now,”

“We?” Nick asks. Simon looks at Paula under his arm who seems to catch his ‘we’ as well.

“Paw-la and I.”

“Right. Good then. Come home safe,” Nick says. “I love you, big brother,” Nick says much like he was a little child again, secretly idolising his brother.

“You too, Nick” Simon says. “See you soon.” He hangs up.

Quickly, he arranges for his car to be driver back home. Inside the plane, Simon collapses on one of the couches, letting his legs dangle off one end. He rubs his temples, trying to release the tension there. The headache came suddenly and strong.

Again, quietly Paula observes him and feels a piece of her heart crumble. She takes off her heels and leaves them in the corner before kneeling on the floor, behind his head that is resting on the arm rest. Simon doesn’t notice until her fingers push under his and massage him gently. He sighs and lets her work her magic.

“Better?” She asks. Simon nods and pulls her hands around his neck to kiss her palms.

“Much. Thank-you, darling,” He says softly. Paula leans her head on his briefly before standing up.

“You should sleep. You probably won’t get a chance in London.” She tells him.

“I don’t know if I can,” He shrugs.

“Try... please, honey,” She tells him sweetly.

He nods after a moment and stands up. He is very quiet and that confident aura that he has about him is gone. He takes Paula’s hand in his almost shyly and she follows him wordlessly into the back room where she knows there is a bed – as she had been on this plane before- big enough for two people.

Very uncaringly, Simon strips his shirt and pants off leaving him in only his boxers. Paula turns away, embarrassed. Still emotionless, Simon lifts the covers off the neatly made bed and tucks himself in. He stays still a moment, his eyes fluttering to a close but when he doesn’t feel the weight shift of Paula getting in the other side; he turns to look at her.

She has escaped to the bathroom attached to the room and he hears the loud vacuuming sound of the flush. Then he hears the tap running. When she emerges a few moments later, her face is clean of make-up and she has taken off all her jewellery. She is still in her dress from the show. Her eyes meet his that are watching her, still impassive.

“Can I borrow your shirt?” She asks in a hushed tone as if she were avoiding waking someone. Maybe it is just the atmosphere of the dimmed light coming from the lamp beside the bed. Maybe because she felt her cheeks get warm as she asked this.

Simon picks it up from where it was on the floor next to him and hands it to her. She smiles as a thank-you and retreats to the bathroom once more. When she comes out again, Simon is still wide awake and restless. She has her dress resting on her arm and she is wearing no pants. Simon’s shirt just about covers half her thighs and she has rolled the sleeves up. It is still less revealing than some of the dresses she had been wearing lately.

Quietly, she slips under the covers on the right side of the bed and turns to face him. He looks like a lost little boy, his eyes frantic and tears threatening to spill out the corners at any point. Paula scoots so she is against him, her head tucked under his neck and arms around his torso. Simon pulls her even tighter to him and buries his face in her hair. And all the walls come crashing down. Soon he is shaking against her.

“I can’t lose her, Paw-ler. I can’t. I can’t-” His voice cracks. He makes no sobbing sound; only his loud and uneven breathing could be heard. Paula feels her heart pump harder as if it were trying to break out of her ribs and enter Simon’s to replace his broken one. Her fingers run through his short hair soothingly. She whispers sweet nothings to him, letting him get it all out.

“Will she be alright, Paula? Will she?” He asks.

“I can’t promise that she will be. But we will pray for her, yeah?” She says. He nods against her as he breathing calms.

“Thank-you for coming along with me,” He whispers, kissing her temple and breathing in the scent of her hair.

“I’m here for you. You should know that,” He nods again, his eyes drooping.

Usually, she would not allow such close contact when they were alone. Not in a warm bed. Not all tangled and cosy. But she wants to be there for him in any way she can. And if that means, letting him hold her close for as long as he needs, then so be it.

When Paula wakes up a few hours later it’s because she is cold and misses the warmth of Simon’s body around her. She sits up to see Simon is sitting at the window of the aircraft. His hands are clasped together and his head is hung.

She goes and sits beside him, clasping her hands together as well. She says the Jewish grace and speaks to God in English, asking Him to bless Julie, Simon and their family. A tear falls down her cheek at the thought of Julie passing away and her prayers get stronger, with more plea. She finishes her prayer in a Jewish way, with Yiddish words that have been engraved in her mind since she was a little girl. Paula hears a quiet “Amen,” from Simon and when she reopens her eyes, he is looking at her.

He leans in and kisses her head in a loving manner. No words are needed.

“Please try to sleep some more,” Paula tells him.

“I was thinking of drinking myself into a stupor actually,” His voice is low and husky.

She shakes her head. “Sleep,” she says, pulling at his hands and guides him to the bed.

When they were settled in bed for the second time, cuddled and warm, Simon looks down at her.

“Will you always stand by me?” He asks. He is very vulnerable and emotional, Paula can see.

“Always and forever,” She smiles a little. He stays silent, not responding. He is looking deep in her eyes and Paula wonders if he can see into her soul. Abruptly, he leans down and kisses her lips softly. She wasn’t expecting that at all. Her brain is on overload. But she senses that Simon does not want to take it further. Simon simply leaves his lips on hers, not really moving. She allows herself to kiss him back for a second, just comfortingly before pulling away. He just needs the assurance that she is there for him. He just needs to show her he appreciates her.