The Inevitable Fanfiction

Chapter 14 – In Honour of What Will Be No More
The party consists of about twenty people and when I walk in, Sinitta and mum on either of my arms all eyes turn to us. Harry, Paula’s dad, from across the hall walks forward and extends his hand.
“Glad you could make it, Simon.” We shake hands and he greets the two ladies at my side.
I am soon faced with Lorraine and Wendy. After the formalities and small talk, Sinitta wanders off and mum gets into an animated conversation with Paula’s stepmother. Wendy kisses my cheek and is dragged into a conversation with some of Paula’s friends.
I scan the room, looking for the star of the night. There is a large group at a table, with women who are whispering and giggling. A few of them look in my direction before I see Paula stand up from the midst of them, smiling.
“You have to hook me up with him!” One of her cousins whisper much too loudly and hiccups. Paula rolls her eyes and heads in my direction before they can say anything else embarrassing.
I inspect what she is wearing closely; a black dress with gold coloured embroidery and jewelry. Beautiful, naturally. Her eyes are smoky, accentuating her naughty facial features and her coy smile makes my heartbeat increase.
“You done?” She asks, tongue in cheek. I raise one eyebrow.
“Not yet. Give me a second,” I mutter, stepping closer to her so I can feel the heat of her body. I make a show of it, letting my eyes drink up the very sight of her. “Okay, all done.” I meet her dark eyes and wink flirtatiously. She looks down, bashful, and the women at her table snigger drunkenly.
“Don’t do that,” She mumbles, extending her neck so she can kiss the corner of my mouth. “Don’t flatter me.”
I notice Sinitta looking at us over Paula’s shoulder, only then realising how my hands have placed themselves on her hips and how close my mouth is to her ear without much thought.
“It’s hard to resist,” I reply. She gives no response other than looping her arm through mine, leaving me no choice but to follow her as we make a round, mingling with all the guests in the fully booked restaurant. She acts as if I am the one she is engaged to. The way she behaves, laughing and making jokes about me – us, like I am the one she is with and the one that makes her happy. I am after all, the reason she smiling so widely right now.
Irony, you have made your point. Unequivocally.
When we make an almost full circle, we have reached Sinitta and mum who are now sitting together along with some other women. Paula immediately lets my arm go and Sinitta takes my hand, possessively. The two ladies share a look, one I find difficult to describe. It is not cold, not awkward, nor angry. It is sort of like they are trying to see where the other stands. After a few long seconds, Paula breaks into a friendly grin, one anybody other than me would insist genuine.
I sit with Sinitta and Ryan joins us soon. He is energetic and talkative as ever, drawing attention from most females around us. I believe he has made some sort of joke about me to them because when I turn, sipping from my third glass of wine - or was it the fourth? - They are all watching me, curiously. But my eyes and ears have been on intent on Paula, sitting just a few feet away from me, at another table.
As I try to focus on something else, I begin to hear the music and I recognise the beginning notes of the familiar song. Maybe it is the alcohol, or maybe it is the just the adrenaline in my system. But something about tonight makes me braver. Brave enough to dance with Paula, even. After all, this will be the last night she will be ‘Paula Abdul’. I might as well spend as much time with her because this ‘Paula Hunter’ is someone I’m not sure I will be all that close to. Not because I don’t want to be, but because I probably won’t be able to be.
So I march up to her table and place a hand on her shoulder. All eyes land on me.
“I believe I have been promised a dance?” I say, a coy smile playing on my lips.
Paula’s eyes twinkle brightly as she stands up.
“Really?” She breathes, stunned.
“Well, if you don’t want to, I completely under-” I begin, with no intentions of finishing.
“No!” Paula says far too quickly and strangely predictable. I smirk. “No. A promise made is a promise kept.” She grins and I lead her onto the dance floor.
At any other time, I would have been hesitant, but again, I don’t feel like I usually would tonight. I figure the only thing I have to lose tonight is my reputation and Paula is well deserving of that - and so much more. So take one of her hands in mine and place my other on her lower back, keeping a respectable distance between us, still.
I can think of younger days when living for my life
Was everything a man could want to do
I could never see tomorrow
But I was never told about the sorrow
She is glowing as she looks up at me. Her cheeks colour pink and she looks away, quickly, like she has thought of something she didn’t want to think of. Maybe it is something about the two of us. I suppose I’ll never know.
She places her free hand on my shoulder while we sway back and forth.
And how can you mend a broken heart?
How can you stop the rain from falling down?
How can you stop the sun from shining?
What makes the world go round?
“I think I like you better when you’re drunk,” Paula says.
“I’m not drunk,” I say, and to prove a point I spin us both around and bring her close to me, effortlessly.
“I don’t care what you are at this moment,” She sighs and leans up. I bring my forehead down so that we are resting against each other. “What would Sinitta think of us right now?”
“I don’t care what she is thinking at this moment,” I parrot and Paula cracks a shy smile.
How can you mend this broken man?
How can a loser ever win?
Please, help me mend
My broken heart and let my live again
Paula’s hand that had been resting on my shoulder brushes my cheek softly before holding my face there. She brings our joint hands up so I am clasping hers to my chest.
“Darling,” I murmur. I hold her tighter to me and we sway and listen to the words of the music.
I can still feel the breeze
That rustles through the trees
And misty memories of days gone by
We could never see tomorrow
No one said a word about the sorrow
I let my nose trail her cheek and jaw line affectionately and I feel her heartbeat quicken against my ribs. I can just imagine kissing her right now. In front of so many eyes staring at us with much skepticism. Her perfume is intoxicating as always, and the memory of her skin against my mouth floods back into my mind.
“People are watching,” She whispers.
“Then let’s go somewhere where there are no people to watch,” I mumble back before burying my nose in her hair and inhaling deeply.
“Simon…” Her voice is stern. “You don’t mean that,” She assures us both.
“I mean it far too much,” I breathe into her ear, watching as she gets goose bumps all over her arms and neck.
Not wanting to be too suspicious, if that’s still possible, I hold her hand above her head and she spins twice before resting against me once more. Now she clasps her hands behind my neck and I take her by the waist. She presses her face against my shoulder.
I whisper the lyrics of the song in her ear, hoping the implication will get across.
“ And how can you mend a broken heart?
How can you stop the rain from falling down?
How can you stop the sun from shining?
What makes the world go round?
How can you mend this broken man?
How can a loser ever win?
Please help me mend my broken heart
And let me live again”
The song fades but neither Paula nor I pull away. We stand still, treasuring whatever moments we have left together. Tomorrow she will be someone else’s to claim and I need her now, even if it is just for one night. For this one moment of this one night.
“And let me live again.” My voice trembles. What an embarrassing thing for a man. Her mouth opens slowly to answer but we are interrupted.
“May I have the next dance?” Someone asks politely from beside us. Immediately, Paula pulls back and smiles up at Daniel Combs.
“Of course,” I say, and clear my throat. I place Paula’s hand in his and walk back to the table, more sober than I had been before the song, and yet oddly enough more dizzy. Everyone is staring at me; including Paula’s parents and sister. Harry gives me an empty stare, while Lorraine and Wendy seem to be close to tears. They look back and forth between Paula and I, seemingly feeling pitiful. I sit at the table, biting my lip and pinching the bridge of my nose.
“She is a lucky woman,” Sinitta says sarcastically, joining me at the otherwise empty table. I pick at my plate of salad, not really tasting it. I meet her eyes with guilt.
“It was just a dance,” I protest. Her brows rise, disbelieving. “She made me promise.” I sigh as she looks utterly unbelieving. “Would you like to dance as well?” I ask, finally, not knowing what else to do.
“Not anymore,” She hisses and keeps silent for the rest of the night, staying as far away from me as possible.
When the party is over with and the crowd is thinning out, I take her hand and she follows me with little resistance to where there are no people.
“’Nita…” I start, but she places a finger on my lips.
“Don’t ‘Nita me. I’m biased, Simon, but I’m not blind.” She sighs, disappointedly.
“Are you breaking up with me?” My eyes widen and I let out a high pitched sound that comes with disbelief. Was it really that bad?
“No…” She pauses. “Actually, yes. Yes, I am,” She says, her face hardening.
I take her hands in mine and look deep in her eyes, hoping she’ll falter.
“I want to be with you,” I tell her. In a way, it is very much the truth; for as long as I cannot be with Paula, it is Sinitta I want to be with. In a way, it is very much a lie. And either way, it is awful of me.
“Could have fooled me,” She mumbles, looking down.
I tilt her chin upwards.
“I want to be with you,” I repeat. Before she can get another word in the conversation I let my lips fall on hers. I tease her bottom lip for a moment and just as I think she is about to give in, she pulls away and wipes her mouth with the back of her hand.
“You want to be with her. I know that. Everyone who was in that restaurant knows that, if not half the world.” A tear slides down her cheek and I feel nothing but fault because I was the one who caused it. I kiss it away and bring her into my arms.
“You’re right,” I find myself saying. She is.
“I know,” She mumbles, letting me hold her.
“I’m sorry…” I tell her. She just shakes her head.
“I love you, Simon. But maybe neither of us is ready. I am still getting over Andy and you, Paula, I suppose. Maybe this is better for the both of us in the long run.”
I don’t say anything. Instead, I kiss her temple several times. She sighs against me.
“I love you, as well,” I reply after a long silence. “Not in the way I should have, but I do love you.” I give her a half smile as she pulls away.
“I know,” She says again. “This is going to be harder on the kids than anything else.”
“I’ll always be here for them… and you. Don’t ever doubt that. But I think I’m going to have to stay ‘Uncle Simon’.”
“Are you going to talk to her?” She asks, a little shyly.
“I wouldn’t know what to say,” I reply.
“You should.” She says simply.
I nod blankly, not entirely sure if I will or not.
I drop mum and Sinitta back at their houses and as I am on my way back home, the only thing on my mind is my conversation with my now ex-girlfriend. The turning comes too quickly for my liking, with the hotel in one direction and my house in the other.
I make a split second decision and take the bend. I know I shouldn’t be driving but I have made my choice now. No point turning back. The road is quiet, eerie almost, this late at night. I drive straight ahead for a long time, pondering over my desired destination. I wonder if I have made the right decision.