The Inevitable Fanfiction

[i] Strangers in the night, exchanging glances,
Wondering in the night, what were the chances? [/i]

It had been a long day – even by Paula’s standards. [i]Long, but productive,[/i] she added silently to herself. It still brought a smile to her lips now, late at night, to know that she and her friend Joe were helping people and their business and their lives, with the seminar they were currently hosting in Arizona.

Her finger traced the page of the book that rested on her ribs, though the words were not registering in her mind. She was tired, but not sleepy enough to sleep, and so she had picked a book to read. [i]It wasn’t working out too well[/i], she thought, sarcastically. Her mind drifted to other things constantly, as it was a crazy place even now, in the quiet surroundings and the serenity of her mood. She thought of her family, her dogs, the seminar, the projects she had going on and the projects that she was no longer a part of - like American Idol. It still panged slightly to know she was no longer working there, and yet, she knew she had done the right thing. And she knew God was on her side when He let the ratings fall so low in the latest episode – an almost smug smile rested on her face because she realised Idol had not survived without her.

The grin changed along with her thoughts, and shifted when they took a turn for the inevitable, so predictable path. There was only so long she could go without thinking of Simon. Especially when so many of her other thoughts circulated something associated with him. This time, the upturning of her lips was not the one of happiness or complacency, but instead, it was kind of sad, brooding almost.

Involuntarily, her fingers placed the bookmark into her book and left it to rest on her stomach. [i]What was he up to [/i], she wondered. [i]Something to do with Idol’s Give Back, maybe?[/i] She wasn’t sure – and the panging of her heart became a little sharper at this thought.

She was just about to switch off the lamp beside her, on the nightstand, in hopes of getting some rest before another long day ahead, when the doorbell rang. [i]Joe[/i], she thought, woefully. [i]What could he possibly want at this time?[/i]

“Just a minute!” Paula called, gathering her robe to cover her barely-there negligee. It wasn’t very helpful as the robe was thin and black, barely covering anything the lacy gown did, but she hadn’t expected visitors.

The bell rang again, consecutively this time, making her click her tongue. “You couldn’t hold on for one –” the words died on her lips as she saw who was standing there, leaning on the doorframe of her suite, looking devilishly handsome in the dimly lit corridor. “Simon… Hi.”

She stared at him for a long moment, looking as lost as she felt. “So?” he said, finally. “Can I come in?”

Paula almost blushed as she stepped aside to let him in, and swallowed hard when she turned to close the door.

“What are you doing here – I mean, how did you know –”

“Well I was in the neighbourhood, and just thought I’d pop by,” he joked.

She raised a hand to slap him for his silly comment, out of habit, but then realised that he was standing too far away. She wasn’t sure why this surprised her, or why he – as if reading her thoughts – stepped closer, when her already lifted hand waved him off.

“Been a while since I’ve seen you,” Simon said, in a low, serious tone. She nodded. “I’d forgotten how cute you looked in your glasses.”

And all of a sudden, Paula was no longer that respected business woman she had been just hours ago, nor was she a successful, award winning celebrity. No, because with that one statement, Simon had managed to render her back to the little blushing schoolgirl that played so well in his sandbox. She took of her glasses, self consciously, as if to say [i]‘don’t do that,’[/i] and reached behind her head and let the hair down from the bun it had been loosely tied in.

Simon stared for a moment, like it had all happened in slow motion. Sometimes, like now, when he least expected it, she caught him off guard with her beauty. He also seemed to have forgotten just how beautiful Paula was without her glasses. His hand reached upwards, to touch her and then realised that it would be their first touch in oh so long. [i]Why was that so surprising[/i], he asked himself. Hesitantly, his paused hand moved up again, to hold her hair, slide its silkiness through his fingers. God, he had missed her.

His hand moved then, to her arm, and rested there, unwilling to part with her again. Paula hoped he hadn’t heard her shaky breath or the pounding of her heart as he did so. “What are you doing here?” she asks again.

“I said I was in the neighbourhood, love.” She gave him a look, trying to appear as if his skin tingling on her arm was not there. “Idol Gives Back had something on here, and well, I guess this is fate,” he gestured between the two of them with his free hand.

“No Africa this time?”

“No, not this time. It was nice to be able to talk to the kids this time though, at least. There was this adorable little girl I met – I think you would have liked her,” Simon replied.

Would have.

Oh how she hated past tense.

Paula smiled though, and said, “Bet I would have.”

[i]Why were they still standing?[/i]

“Can I get you a drink or something?” she asked.

Simon nodded. “Yeah, that’d be nice, actually. You have any cold water?”

“Yup.” Paula wandered to the kitchenette and bent down to the little fridge, where there were some bottles of water.

He tried to ignore the fact that she had almost willingly pulled away from his touch, when the last thing he ever wanted was to let go. He tried to ignore the riding up of her short nightgown when she bent, or the way her robe loosened enough until he could see under it. She was wearing a lacy top, which ended way too high up her thighs for his thoughts to remain sane. The lace was black, but he could see her skin colour through it, except for certain parts which should have been kept hidden.
She must have been wearing something underneath, he figured.

[i]Ignoring her was an impossible feat, it would seem.[/i]

When she passed Simon the bottle of water, he took a long swig, trying to drown his thoughts when he swallowed, along with any bitter taste in his mouth. He followed her to the couch then, in front of a large plasma screen television. It was long enough for them to sit beside each other with a respectable amount of distance between them, but not long enough for Simon to stretch out on.

“How have you been Paula?”

[i]Why did the question sound so weird to his ears?[/i] It wasn’t like he had never asked her how she was before.

“Good, thanks. Lots of stuff going on,” she said, with a genuine smile. “What about you? How is…” [i]Mezhgan[/i] “everything?” She looked down to her lap, before meeting his eyes again.

“Fine, all fine.”

Paula nodded and looked down again.

“How’s the neck?” he asked, a little abruptly, as if trying to fill all the silent pauses with words. Or maybe he just needed an excuse to touch her, because his hand went up to her shoulder again, allowing him to lean in closer, as he rubbed the back of her neck slightly.

“Okay,” was all she managed to get out, when Simon slid closer again, until she could feel the heat of his thigh against hers.

“That’s good,” he murmured, noting how their voices had gone to the barest of whispers now. “I’m glad.”

His hand went down her neck, through her wavy hair, – long, just as he preferred it – and to her upper back. It took him a second to realise why the circles he made felt so smooth.

There was no strap.

Simon’s heart pounded in his chest when it dawned upon him. The darkened part of Paula’s nightie was merely the cloth itself – the same flimsy, lacy cloth that hugged her figure so perfectly.

She was naked under there.

There, with her robe hanging loose around her, and her hair falling in soft curls all around her face, and her skin tingling against his.
There, under that flimsy, lacy cloth that hugged her figure so perfectly.

[i]Oh dear God.[/i]

His hand went even further south, not being able to resist. He went down to her lower back, and then almost to her coccyx.

Nothing.

He travelled left now, to her hip, where he hoped that he wouldn’t find any kind of string, any wire. He didn’t.

And then he almost wished he did.

Paula turned to him, flushed. [i] Did he realise how heavy their breathing had gotten? [/i]

She knew better than to say it now. She knew it would only lead him further. She knew she shouldn’t fall into his trap again. She knew this was wrong.

[i]Don’t say it, Paula.[/i]

“I missed you, Simon,” she whispered, with reasons beyond her comprehension.

[i]And you said it.[/i]

In one panicked, passionate movement, he brought his free hand to the back of her head and crushed their lips together. She met him with just as much force, just as much as much passion. He barely contained his groan of pleasure when he felt her tongue against his lips. Their tongues duelled in their ever going battle, as their hands itched desperately to explore one another.

Simon was quick to get the robe off Paula, and before she realised what had happened, he had thrown it across the room. Satisfied with himself, he had planned to drink in the sight of her. However, he quickly understood that there was no time for loving gazes now. Not now. Not here.

His lips met hers again, and his hands slipped back into the silky hair he loved so much. Paula’s fingers bunched his shirt in her hands, and then upwards, stripping him of it. There was so much more they could do, so much territory to explore all over again, but they stayed that way, ravishing each other within whatever twisted boundaries they had given themselves.

If they were being honest, they would both have said that the boundary would not have tamed them for very long, not at this rate. But fate was such that the doorbell rang again, causing Paula to pull away, breathless.
She looked at Simon for a fraction of a second before turning away and getting the door. She poked her head out, to keep her body covered. It was Joe.

“Hi Paula,” he said cheerfully, not sensing the tense vibes all around him. “I was hoping you’d be awake. I was thinking we could go down for a few drinks or something, that is, if you’re comfortable with it – drinking I mean –”

Simon heard the other man from inside, and inwardly chuckled. He picked up the robe he had thrown across the room and went over to Paula. Sliding it around her shoulders, he allowed the door to be opened a crack more, until he stood towering over the petite woman, bare chest, jeans and all, holding her possessively.

“Oh, I see you have company – I’m sorry, I’ll leave you be.”

“Wait, Joe–” Paula called half heartedly, as he scurried away, down the corridor.

Simon closed the door before Paula got any ideas, like running after him. She turned around only to meet his kiss again, this time soft and tender, sweet and chaste. She should have been mad, humiliated, or at least a little more embarrassed than she
was. But she returned his kiss and pulled back only to smile coyly at him, from her spot between his warm body and the hard wood of the door.

“What was that for?” Paula asked, softly.

“I’ve missed you,” he replied, his eyes still intent on her mouth.

Her hands slid up his bare arms, admiring his strong chest in front of her. “Yeah?”
He leaned closer, so that they were touching in every possible way, and allowed one of his hands to rest on her thigh, and the other on her hip. His head dipped down to her ear so he could whisper a secret to her that he had no desire to keep any longer, “so much.”

They stayed that way for ages, Simon breathing deeply into her neck, so tempted to lean down and taste the skin there, while Paula angled her head away, not wanting to see what she so badly wished he would do, as if not wanting to be a witness to her own crime.

No one moved though, and then the spell was broken, like a mutual decision on both their parts, but when really, it was not what either of them would have chosen.

[i]How did they get to this place[/i], Paula wondered, though deep down, she knew the answer.

[i]What happened to those times when he could kiss her whenever he felt like[/i], Simon questioned, but he too knew what he dared not speak.

He stepped away, and she cleared her throat. “Where are you staying?” she asked.

“My hotel is about an hour away from here,” he replied.

[i]Was that a request to sleep in her room tonight?[/i] It was really late by now, she was sure, though she had lost track of the clock as soon as their eyes had met earlier this evening.

Simon gestured slowly to the couch, and she nodded, finding the excuse she so desperately needed. “You shouldn’t be driving at this time anyway.”

He agreed. “Yeah, that wouldn’t be safe.”

Together, they carried half the bedding from Paula’s king-sized bed onto the couch, and she made it as comfortable as she could for him. He looked down cynically at it however, knowing it would be hell on his back, with its size.

“I can sleep on the couch,” Paula offered thoughtfully.

“No, no, it’s your room.”

[i]Just ask me,[/i] Simon pleaded silently.

She met his eyes. [i]I can’t.[/i]

“This has by far been the weirdest trip I’ve ever had,” she said, trying to lighten the atmosphere.

He saw what she was trying to do, and couldn’t help but smile, “and mine.”

“Goodnight, Simon.”

They stand there wondering if it would be okay to kiss goodnight, Simon chewing on his bottom lip and Paula trying not to look him in the eye. He took just a step closer, to see what she would do. She wouldn’t meet his gaze. He leaned down slowly, allowing her to pull away, but she did nothing. So he kissed her square on the lips, lingering only a little.

“Night, love.”

They both tucked themselves in and when Paula could not here anymore rustling from Simon’s makeshift bed, she switched off the lamp. They both lay there with their eyes open, facing the ceiling, listening to each other’s breathing.

“Paula?” Simon called, in a hushed tone.

“Mm?”

He paused, choosing his words carefully. “You know she’s a stranger when it comes to us.”

Paula turned so she was on her side, and grazed her fingernails over the empty space beside her. “Yeah,” she sighed. “I know.”

[i] Strangers in the night, exchanging glances,
Wondering in the night, what were the chances? [/i]

Summary: All the illusions couldn't change the reality that she was his number one.

Friday, February 12th, 2010

"Hello?" Paula pressed the phone to her ear tiredly. She lowered the volume of the TV in her hotel room and lied back on the bed.

"Evening, darling."

"Hi Simon," she replied, a little less enthusiastic than she usually was.

"Everything alright?"

"I'm fine. Just tired," she said, and for the most part, it was true. It wasn't evening yet, but she was already shattered.

"Yeah, I know what you mean." He yawned into the phone, and Paula smiled.

"How are you?"

"Good, good. Where are you now?"

Paula knew what he would say if he found out where she was, so trying to soften the blow, she whispered, "Arizona."

"Arizona?" Simon's voice rose. "What on earth are you doing in Arizona? Oh don't tell me you went to visit your little boyfriends..." She heard him scoff.

"They're both married, for your information. But yes, I did an interview with them," she said, more boldly than she really felt.

"And how did that go?" He asked.

"Oh you know, just what I've been up to, what I'm working on now, your girlfriend, the X Factor, Britain's Got—"

He cut her off. "Alright, enough with the sarcasm."

"Who's being sarcastic?" She retorted. She had become too good at this game that he had once played so much better.

"Paula, come off it. You know it's just for Mezhgan's sake."

"They think you're engaged, Simon!"

"What?" She heard him take in a sharp breath.

"That you're planning puppies and babies, and now there's this interview with Nigel wishing you all the luck and happiness in the world, and-" Tears filled Paula's voice, causing her to choke and begin coughing loudly. She continued, through bouts of coughing and the tears that threatened to fall, "and they are saying how she's left your house barefoot... but Simon, it's February!"

"All the more reason you should know it's all bullocks, darling," Simon replied evenly. "Now what's this really about, hmm? You know they're just rumours and that they'd make a story out of anything."

Paula sighed, curling her legs up and holding a pillow to her chest. He knew her so well. "Today, John Jay and Rich asked me if I missed Idol, if I missed being a part of it, and I said no, that I didn't..." Simon waited patiently to continue. "But with Idol, I had you-"

"You still have me," he said, without missing a beat.

"Maybe now, maybe for a few months. But what then, Simon? What when you find someone new, and I'm still here, waiting for your call? I don't want to meet you after a long time and realise I don't know you anymore. I don't- I can't- I can't handle that."

Simon sighed. He knew Paula had trust issues, and while most of the time, she did have faith that he would be around, sometimes, he knew, she lost it. Sometimes, she needed to be told. "You'll never lose me, Paula. Never."

"How can you be so sure?" She whispered.

"Because that would mean that I'd have lost you... And I couldn't handle that either." When she doesn't reply, he continues, "you will always be the first to know, love, about anything. If I get a new girlfriend, if I buy a puppy, when I am leaving someplace or I've just landed. I'm sorry this whole thing has been blown out of proportion, but that's just how England is, I'm afraid. I'm telling you now though, the truth, and I expect the same from you."

Her hand has placed itself over her heart, and the tears that fall now are happier than the ones before, falling heavily but without the burden that they carried before. "You'll be the first to know from me, too."

"Good." He smiled, and could sense that she was smiling too. But then she sniffed, and he needed to be sure. "Are you crying, sweetheart?"

"No," Paula replied, grabbing a tissue off the nightstand and wiping her nose.

"You're a bad liar, you know. I can see right through this phone, through the satellite, all the way to Arizona, right to you."

"Shut up," she mumbled, wiping her eyes on her sleeve. She sounded angry, but Simon knew that she was just embarrassed and that she didn't want him to laugh at her.

He smiled to himself. "You know, Paw-la, if I didn't know better, I'd think you were jealous."

"Jealous? Of who? Mezhgan? Hah." She snorted.

"Welll..." He drawled on, and while she rolled her eyes, Paula couldn't control the blush that had risen to her cheeks. "You were pretty upset, earlier."

"Can you go back to being Sensitive Simon? I like him better right now," she huffed, evading the statement.

He laughed, genuinely. "I'm just playing, Paula. Where's your fight gone to?"

She growled slightly, burying her head into her pillows, and mumbled "I left it back in L.A."

Simon turned a little serious, knowing she did not need his prodding at that moment. Sensing she had some more to say, he only replied with "I see." He waited for her to continue, and after a moment, she did.

"Maybe I am... a little jealous..." Paula allowed herself to admit. "I mean, she can spend time with you and not worry about who says what about your relationship. Thrive on it, even. If we were to go out together, well, we couldn't, because..."

"It'd be exactly the same," Simon said.

"What? No, I mean..." she stuttered.

"They would speculate the same thing about you and me, but the only difference would be that we don't want them to think that," Simon rationalised.

Paula said nothing for a few seconds, wondering if it was that simple. "Remind me again, why we wouldn't want that?" she asked then, quietly.

"Well, we wouldn't really want the whole world thinking we're a couple, right?"

"Right..."

"Right."

After a moment, Paula added, "We'd be almost as big as Brangelina."

Simon gasped, feigning shock. "Paula, you underestimate me. We'd be bigger than them by a mile!" She laughed.

"You don't measure mass in miles," Paula said, through her giggling, and he began to laugh with her.

"Oh, Paula, this is why you are first. My number one," Simon said. He remembered how this had been pointed out to him in an interview before, how Paula made him giggle, but he couldn't help himself. She was just infectious, and she could get into his head.

At his statement however, Paula turned slightly more serious again. It was strange, how their conversation had turned so quickly, so many times, in such a short span of time, but it was part of what made them essentially them. Neither would have the other any other way. "You're my number one too," she replied, touched.

"Glad to hear it." He smiled to himself.

"I'll be seeing you soon?"

"Yes, you will. We're wrapping up auditions here, and I'll be back for the live shows in a few days."

"Good. I've missed you."

They had seen each other a few weeks ago, when Simon had been there for the taping of Idol's Hollywood round, but it wasn't enough for them. Now, Paula was glad to be able to spend a great deal of time with him.

"I miss you too," he said, and something in his voice made it sound even more genuine than when he said it other times.

"You should sleep, it's late there."

"Mm. But could you stay on the line? Until I fall asleep, at least?" He asked, feeling a little shy all of a sudden, a little embarrassed by his neediness.

"Of course. Sweet dreams."

"Goodnight."

Paula waited a few minutes until his breathing evened out and then she smiled. "Love you Simon," she mumbled, but couldn't bring herself to click the red button.

Chapter 15
They were already at the final four, and none of judges or America could believe it. American Idol had crept its way up peoples’ hearts during the season and they all simply adored Paula and adored hating Simon. It was quite irritating to deal with people booing him all the time, but he wasn’t about to do any special deeds for people he couldn’t care less about. There was only one person on Idol that he truly cared for, whether he admitted it or not, and for her, he had organised something very nice.
“Singing live – it’s something special for our friend... Paula Abdul!” Ryan shouts, and Paula isn’t sure what’s just happened.
‘Lost in a dream, I don’t know which way to go...’ The idols sing her song Straight Up together, while she stares and claps and still isn’t quite sure what to do with herself. She decided she’ll enjoy it while it lasts because this had to have been the nicest thing anyone had done for her in a long time.
They move onto Opposites Attract and Paula immediately taps Simon’s shoulder, giggling. “That’s our song!” she exclaims. Simon nods airily and lets her have her fun. ‘Cold Hearted’ is next and at this Paula jumps up to point to Simon, making a show of it. She’s enjoying herself and Simon laughs along with her, knowing that she wouldn’t be calling him a cold hearted snake if she knew he had prepared this medley for her.
‘It ain’t the trips to Brazil, it ain’t the weekends in Rome...’ Randy, Ryan and Justin get Paula out of her seat to sing with them on stage, her song ‘The Way That You Love Me.’ She lingers at the steps, a little shy of going up on stage again, but the contestants pull her up and soon she’s dancing along. She even sings a line before blushing back to her seat.
The medley ends with applause, even from Simon himself, as Paula hugs Ryan tightly. She’s still overwhelmed and smiling brightly at everyone and when they are off the air, she captures all the contestants in a ‘proud mummy’ moment embrace. She also looks for Nigel and Simon Fuller, to say thank-you.
“Simon?” She calls, meaning Fuller. She knocks at his office door softly.
“Come in!” She hears two voices call, both Fuller’s and Nigel’s. She opens the door to see them replaying the medley and watching from Nigel’s desk.
“It was brilliant, wasn’t it?” Nigel asks, clapping his hands. He goes over to Paula and gives her a one-armed hug.
“It was, and I wanted to say thank-you. It was a great surprise.” Now, she becomes slightly emotional at the impact of it all, and kisses Nigel’s cheek warmly.
“It’s not us you should be thanking, Paula,” says Simon Fuller.
“Cowell was the one who organised it,” adds Nigel, shocking Paula.
“Simon? Cowell?” She splutters. “But why?” ‘He’s just full of surprises, isn’t he?’ Paula thinks.
Nigel leads her out of the room, an arm around her shoulders, wanting to tell her something in hush hush. “Well he says it might make you want to stay on for another season, since you know, you haven’t yet signed, but between you and me, love, I think he’s gone a little soft for you.” He winks .
“I suppose I should thank him then...” Paula replies, choosing to ignore the later part of his statement, though it affects her greatly.
“You do that.”
“Thanks, Nigel.” Paula gives him a parting smile and scurries off to find her secret admirer, who amazingly enough, is Mr. Nasty himself.
“Simon!” Paula calls, loudly this time, at Simon’s door.
“It’s open,” he calls back.
She opens the door and sees his bare back, just as he slips a shirt over his head. She colours slightly and waits until he turns to her. “I wanted to say thank-you,” she says, shy all of a sudden.
“What are you talking about?” Simon asks.
“Don’t play coy – I know it was you who organised the medley and I wanted to thank you.”
This time it is Simon’s turn to be shy. He looks down at his crisp grey shirt with some graphics on it, and looks at her through his long lashes. “The idiots can’t keep anything to themselves,” he mumbles, ears turning pink. Suddenly, the craving to hug him close is unbearable. What a sweet man he could be under that mask.
“Thank-you,” says Paula and gives into her urge. She wraps her arms quickly around his waist and presses her face into his shoulder. It’s slightly awkward for a moment, until Simon returns the hug. “It was really nice.”
He smiles. “I’m glad you enjoyed it, darling.” He looks down at her small form, eyes watching him with such adoration and appreciation; he feels he’s looking a young child. She only becomes a woman again when the moment ends and she pulls away, readjusting her shirt. And then the terrible need to kiss her is back and yet again, he must resist.
“I’ve got to go now,” he tells her, eyes intent on her mouth. Paula notices this.
“Okay,” she says, but neither of them move.
“Could I...” Simon trails off, knowing better than to finish that question. His tongue runs along his own lips, moistening them.
She surprises him, as well as herself, by breathing a heavy, “yes.”
All Paula can think about is their lips meeting again, and be able to compare them to her fantasies of him. Simon’s fingers hold her cheek with a strange softness that melts her, while she steps closer to him, her full lips luring him down so that their lips are almost touching. And they would have kissed too, if they hadn’t been interrupted. A knock on the door brings them apart.
“It’s open!” Simon shouts, much louder than he needs to, pulling away from Paula with a cuss. Terri’s head pops in and Paula takes a sharp breath. “Oh, hello Terri.”
“I thought I’d surprise you! I took a taxi here, so we can go to dinner together.” Paula grimaces at the sound of her raspy voice.
“That’s nice, love,” Simon says, with little enthusiasm. It’s not that he isn’t happy, but given the situation, he isn’t sure what to do.
Terri pouts. “You don’t sound very pleased?” She’s such an eager to please kind of woman, it amuses him how contrasting she and Paula are.
“No, it sounds great, actually.” He smiles. “Paula, this is Terri.”
“Hi,” Paula smiles and sticks out one hand.
“Hello! Oh, you are lovely, aren’t you?” Terri kisses Paula’s cheeks, bubbling with excitement.
Paula isn’t sure what to say in return, so she smiles. “I won’t keep you. Bye Simon, Terri.” She nods at the woman, who though is obviously younger, is also much taller and even slightly intimidating, with those long legs that seem to go on for miles.
“Bye, Paula,” the two reply as they leave Simon’s dressing room. Paula heads to her own room, leaving the door open for Ryan who is eyeing her from the end of the corridor.
“I saw that!” Ryan says as soon as Simon and Terri are out of sight.
“Saw what?” Paula replies, closing the door behind Ryan. She raises an eyebrow.
“You glancing back at Cowell and Ms. Model over there.”
“She’s a model?” She gasps, not bothering to defend her case.
Ryan laughs, plopping down on the sofa. “That’s what I’ve heard. But she’s trying to get into the business now, doing little jobs and stuff. She wants to be a talk-show host.” They grimace together.
“Today was great huh?” He asks after a moment, and she nods.
“It really was an awesome surprise. I can’t believe we’re at the Top Four already.”
“Me neither. You coming back next season?” Ryan asks.
“I’d be crazy not to, Idol is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
“Yeah, true, it’s our big break. At least we have loads of time to recover before working with – ” Ryan makes a grand gesture of puffing out his chest and pulling his pants up to his navel, “again.” Paula giggles.
In a soft voice, Paula replies, “I don’t think he’s all that bad.”
Ryan blinks at her. “What? What happened to you hating his guts?’”
“I do! Of course I do... he’s a horrible jerk that crushes kids’ dreams... but maybe, just maybe he doesn’t do it just to be a horrible jerk.” A slight smile grazes her lips as she says this while Ryan stares blankly.
“Woah. Times do change, huh?” He shakes his head.
“I guess so.”
“All in good time, right?” They nod in agreement.

***
“I can’t believe it’s over!” Ryan says, minutes before they announce the first ever American Idol.
“Well, they have to crown Kelly first, Seacrest,” replies Simon, patting the younger man’s back.
“Dude!” Randy shakes his head. “Maybe Justin will surprise us?”
“Even I’m going to have to agree with Simon on this one – Kelly deserves to win,” Paula smiles.
And Kelly Clarkson does everyone proud, winning the title of the American Idol. After the show, Paula congratulates her with a motherly hug. “I’m so proud of you,” she says, tearing up.
“It means a lot to me, thank-you.” They hug some more, until other people want to congratulate the star of the show.
Backstage, they’re having a party, which Simon flees from. He pushes through the crowd to get to his dressing room, and meets many people along the way who he must talk formalities with including Kelly’s family and the other producers. Then, he comes face to face with Paula and laughs.
“Come on,” says Simon. He can see she is struggling to get through the crowd, as everyone at least a head taller than her. He takes her wrist in his hand and leads her into his dressing room, where she deflates on the couch. Immediately, she begins to take off her earrings and necklace, and she gets rid of her heels quicker than Simon can blink.
“I’m proud of Kelly,” she says, once her jewellery is off.
“I know. I could see you mothering her,” he chuckles. “Honestly, the kids all treat you like their mummy or something, always wanting to please you and make you proud.”
She smiles. “So does that make you the hard-to-please dad?”
“No, no, of course not,” Simon shrugs it off. Paula, sensing his discomfort, lets it drop. “So where is that baby of yours, anyway?”
This time it is Paula’s turn to shrug it off. “You were right when you said my schedule is too hectic for that. I think I’m going to focus on my career again, and when the right guy comes along, then we’ll see.”
If Simon realises that Paula had just admitted he was right, he doesn’t acknowledge it. “What about that Hank guy? I saw him in the audience earlier.”
“Who knows,” she shrugs again, and he nods understandingly. It’s too early to tell.
“Could I have your phone number?” Simon asks unexpectedly. “To keep in touch in the summer?”
Paula gapes at him. “Um, why?” She asks.
“Well, aren’t we friends?” he asks, hopefully, in return.
“I don’t know, are we?” She gives him a quizzical look, and he drops the subject.
“Never mind.”
The whole crew and all the finalists attend the after party, and while Simon sulks in one corner, feeling rejected, Paula knows the exact thing to cheer him up. She’s had a little to drink, and while she is certainly not drunk, she does feel a little on the reckless side. She orders a drink and asks the waiter to send it over to his table, along with a napkin.
When Simon receives it a few minutes later, he looks around, finding Paula watching him. She winks from across the room and he grins, all sulkiness forgotten. There, on his napkin, has a certain special phone number, which he copies quickly into his phone.
He texts her immediately, causing her phone to beep and it reads, ‘Cheeky.’
With a laugh, she replies, ‘I know.’
A few seconds later, she texts him again. ‘It’s been a good season.’
He agrees, ‘It has, hasn’t it?’
‘Friends?’ she inquires, as a peace offering.
‘Almost. You gonna miss me?’
‘Almost. Maybe. U? Will u miss me?’
‘I’ll almost miss you too. Maybe.’
‘We’ll be friends someday then. Maybe,’ Paula chuckles.
He raises his glass to her from across the room, and she raises hers, in a silent toast. ‘Maybe. In good time,’ Simon replies.

The End.

Chapter 14
“That’s not what you said last night, dah-ling,” Simon drawls and waggles his eyebrows at Paula. She had become so accustomed to this line by now that she simply rolls her eyes, and when he looks away, she smiles.
She can’t help it anymore, from their sworn rivalry; she had come to find him humorous. They weren’t fighting so much anymore, possibly because they both knew that if it came to ‘making up’ again, it would be more than a fantasy playing in their heads. Lord knows how badly Paula had wanted him to kiss her that day, after their fight. No amount of crying afterward or the deliberation could make her see why she had wanted it that badly, but she did. And if he leaned in again, she wouldn’t be able to resist.
“What did I say last night, Simon?” She purrs into Simon’s ear, teasingly. “Remind me, because I seem to have forgotten.”
Simon turns to her, stunned for a moment, not paying attention to Justin who is performing. “What?” he asks.
“Never mind.” Paula flushes. That was too bold a move for her and she should have known it would have backfired.
They stay quiet and listen to the song for a minute, until Simon speaks again. He leans in close to Paula’s ear, his breath tickling her neck. “It was something along the lines of ‘you’re so good, Simon.’” He makes a breathy sound which sends shivers down her spine.
“You wish,” Paula says once she has recovered. She has taken too long though and he has already pulled away and plastered that familiar smirk on his face.
Ryan has been watching the pair since the very beginning, since they are by far more entertaining that the contestants, and he tries to get Brian and Randy to join in his enthusiasm. Brian is no fun, rolling his eyes with indifference, while Randy reports some funny business going on. They invade each others’ personal space for people who supposedly can’t stand one another. Once the show is over, he walks with the judges in a group, and they all sit down in his room. It’s the first time they’ve ever done this, and Paula gets that feeling in her stomach that she had at the beginning of auditions. Maybe they would all be friends.
Ryan takes this opportunity to call Simon and Paula out on their so-called mutual dislike. “You guys crack me up – you’re so into each other and don’t even realise it.”
Simon chuckles while Paula’s jaw hangs. “I’m not into Simon!” Her voice raises three octaves. She turns to Simon and narrows her eyes. “I hate you.”
“That’s not what you said- ” Simon starts and the others roll their eyes.
“Last night, I know.” Paula grimaces. “You couldn’t get more original if you tried, Simon.”
Randy sniggers. “You’re right Ryan, dawg. I can feel the tension sizzlin’ between them.”
“No, no, Randy, Ryan, Paula hates me and I hate her too. It’s the one thing we have in common.” Simon nods seriously for effect, though his glittering eyes give him away.
“Haven’t you heard the song? ‘We come together cuz opposites attract!’” Ryan croons and Randy covers his ears, telling him there is a reason he is the host and not the judge. Paula laughs at this.
“I take two steps forward...” Paula gets up and dances two steps forward, and then two back. Ryan dances with her and she ends up on his lap, laughing.
“See Paula, you even sang a song about it. I don’t know why you even bother resisting my charm.” Simon gives her a gleaming white smile. Again she rolls her eyes at him; it’s become customary.
“One day, P, Cowell, you’ll say there’s always been more love than hate between ya’ll.” Randy predicts.
“Psshh,” is the answer he receives.

***
“Uh-oh, guys, I have to go!” Paula jumps up.
“What, you have a hot date?” Simon teases, attempting and failing at an American accent.
“As a matter of fact, Mr. Cowell, I do. And he should be here any minute.”
“Oh.” Simon’s face falls. Paula gives Simon a smile of victory, and again, he realises, they’ve fallen back into their game. Well, maybe they never got out of it – except there are more positive elements added into the mix.
Paula’s phone beeps and displays her received text message. “He’s here! Bye guys.” She smiles and plops a kiss on each of the men’s cheeks, including Simon’s, though he catches her blush as soon as she does so.
“Actually, I ought to leave too. I am meeting someone myself. Come on, I’ll walk you out, Paw-la,” Simon says and stands.
“So this meeting... is it business or pleasure?” asks Paula timidly.
“Hopefully the latter.” Simon winks and much like his had, this time it is Paula’s face that falls.
Hank walks through the corridor before she gets a chance to reply, and he is wearing a VIP pass, which, in only a girl’s mind, could look so adorable, considering it was her workplace.
“Simon, hello!” Hanks says as he stops beside Paula and extends a hand. His other arm wraps around easily Paula’s shoulders and the Brit notes how she does not flinch in the slightest. The prick he feels because of this is annoyance, naturally. Not jealousy. “I believe we have met before.”
“Yes. Mark, right?” The men shake hands.
“Hank, Simon. His name is Hank.” Paula corrects.
“Right, sorry... Well have fun you two.” There is an underlying layer of acrimony in Simon’s voice, but no one chooses to call him out on it.
“You too.” Paula smiles, slipping her hand in Hank’s and they walk out.
Simon collects his things, keys, wallet, cigarettes and lighter and phone – all necessities. He fiddles with his phone for a minute before flipping it open and searching for a certain number. It rings a few times.
“Hi Terri... Do you think we could meet at the Ivy instead? My treat, of course. Great, see you then, love.”
***
Simon walks in and sees that Terri is already there. He is always fashionably late; it is a trait of his. She hasn’t noticed him yet, and is fiddling with her hands on her lap, nervously. He places one hand on her shoulder both as a greeting and comfort. He knows she’s always had a crush on him, and it seems many years of being apart hadn’t changed that.
“Hello darling.” He says, and she jumps to her feet in alarm.
“Oh! Hi! Hi Simon,” she laughs.
“Hi Terri,” he smiles. They kiss cheeks and sit down with comfortable small-talk.
It surprises him how easy she is to talk to, how easily they converse and how she laughs at his jokes. No, she isn’t particularly funny herself, but being around her makes him feel important, respected and appreciated. ‘I’m probably too used to Paula by now,’ he thinks.
“So what are you in the States for?” Simon asks.
“I was doing some modelling, but I think I’m going to quit soon, after this season is over.”
“Why’s that?”
“I want to get into Show Business. I think I’d be a good talk-show host, but it’s difficult getting a job when there are so many famous names floating about already.”
Simon nods – he knows how it feels to be the only unknown person amongst the big shots, but he’d long passed that stage. “I’ll see what I can do about that.”
The point of this whole meeting had been discussing her job really, and Simon’s publicist, Max, had thought Simon would be perfect to help Terri and Terri to help his image. In England especially, he is known as a womaniser, and that needs to change. Things had taken a slight twist however, as now they are more like two friends catching up with business talk appearing only occasionally and lightly. When it is time to go, Simon offers to drive her to her hotel.
They talk freely during the car ride, but one disadvantage of driving your own car would be having to keep your eyes on the road. Simon considers getting a driver, so he could look at Terri’s face as she talks. He does find her pretty, and he loves her long legs in the cocktail dress she is in. Her voice, he would have to get used to, though. He kisses her goodbye softly on the cheek, lingering slightly.
“Bye,” Terri squeaks.
“See you, Terri.” Simon winks.
Paula and her date had been pushed to back of his mind for the night, and Simon had decided Terri is exactly the kind of woman he needs at this point in his life. So she wasn’t as entertaining, and there wasn’t much to peek at, but she was good natured and even tempered and she’d put up with him with all his ways. This made him pleased to see where time might take them.

Chapter 13
Daniel and Wendy are both at the show today, both backstage and both irritating Paula. She just wants to swat them away as they follow her down the corridor of the Idol studio, Daniel twisting her damp hair around a curler as he and Wendy jabber on about things much too personal.
“Paula you said you’d go to the doctor– ”
“Mom is sure you’re not serious about the adoption– ”
“–You need that surgery.”
“–To be honest, even I don’t think you are.”
They don’t notice Simon and Ryan walking a few feet behind them, unable to squeeze passed with the limited space.
“Shut up,” she snaps, unable to take any more of their insistent lecturing. In a second, she pulls off the curler and drops it in Daniel’s hand and holds a hand up to her sister’s face.
“This is my life, and I know how to run it.”
Simon watches in awe, how her hair spins with her so gracefully when she turns. His lips are slightly parted as she walks into her room and it takes him a second to realise that Wendy and Daniel are turned to him. Damn the woman, how does she do that? He gives them a courteous nod and squeezes passed to get to his own dressing room.
When it is time for the show yet again, which to Simon was becoming annoyingly repetitive, he tries to entertain himself. He acts playful, somewhat endearing in his own way, towards Paula. She notices this; he isn’t exactly kind, but when he teases her, it isn’t full of that condemning tone, as if to say ‘your opinion is worth nothing to me.’
She tries to regain some form of normalcy by insulting him, though her heart isn’t in it, and still she fails.
“That’s not what you said last night, Paw-la,” Simon drawls and she blushes. She can’t help it.
After the show, the usually slick and cool Simon follows Paula around like a puppy tied on a leash. He hasn’t the slightest clue what is wrong with him, but he simply walks a step behind her when she goes to give some trinkets to the contestants, when she talks to some audience members. She tries to act indifferent, wondering if being nice is just another scheme of getting under her skin. However people have started to give them funny looks, and so he turns to him mid stride making them bump fronts. She hadn’t noticed how close he had been.
“What is it, Simon?” She asks, sceptically. She wishes she could step back but it would only accentuate her intimidation.
“Can I have a word with you?” He asks. Paula attempts to cross her arms, but she knows that her bare skin would be brushing against him if she does. They place themselves back at her sides. “Alone?”
He takes her hand, leading her away from the crowd and they both are extremely aware that it is an extremely intimate gesture for their circumstances, their relationship. Simon switches to holding her wrist and Paula cannot decide whether this is any better. He pulls her into the corridor, where there are too many people. Instead, he takes her into his dressing room and closes the door behind her.
Nervous, Paula wonders what might be up. Was he about to tell her that she wouldn’t be coming back next season? After all, their contracts were up in just a few weeks. Is that why he had been so nice to her?
“Was that your sister, earlier? The one in the audience?” he asks, looking at her in the eye.
It is the most absurd question Paula could have ever heard which along with his proximity and their isolation makes her feel very afraid and alive all at once.
“Yeah, that’s Wendy.”
“Okay.” He nods, piecing together more information of this funny woman. Now he knows what one of her family members look like, and he also knows now that Paula is the tall one in her family. The thought makes him smirk.
“Is that all?” she asks.
“I heard what she and Daniel were saying earlier and– ”
“You were eavesdropping on my conversation?” Her mouth forms an angry line.
“It’s rather difficult to tune you lot out. They were being loud, if you hadn’t noticed.” He finally steps back and walks a few feet away from her. Paula stands there and crosses her arms, watching him.
“I’m sorry, it won’t happen again. Can I leave now?” Discomfort is too mild a word to describe her feelings at that point. She angles her body to the door, fingers brushing the handle, but her slow movements have her wondering if she wants to leave at all.
“Paula...” Simon walks back to her and takes her gently by the upper arms. She does not move away from his touch. “What I want to say has nothing to do with you professionally. I’m not about to fire you; I’d be stupid to do something like that.”
“What do you mean?”
“I know what makes good TV, darling, and you’re definitely it. You may be the most difficult person to work with, but you are television gold... Anyway that isn’t the point.” Why she was the only one who could distract his train of thought, when no one else had that power over him, he does not understand.
“So?”
“It’s about the adoption matter...” Paula’s mouth forms that line again. “Isn’t you schedule a little hectic for a child?”
Completely evading the question, Paula reacts, “Are you always this much of a busybody?”
If he was being honest, he does not usually pry into other peoples’ business. Only his most intimate friends, those he has known for years, would he ever add his two cents in their personal matters. He knows it is much too forward, especially for the peculiar woman before him, and yet he cannot help it. He can’t quite decide if it her stubbornness or just plain diva-like attitude that makes him feel slightly protective over her. Or perhaps he was just looking out for his show. Yes, he liked that option better.
“I’m perfectly capable of managing my life, Simon, business and family.”
“Okay.” He nods at her calmly, assuring Paula she looks like a maniac fuming at him.
“Bye,” she says.
Simon leans in slowly; brushing his lips against her cheek ever so softly, as she conveniently forgets how to breathe.
“Bye.”
Daniel drops both Wendy and Paula off at their respective houses, hoping to clear the tension between them, but all his friend does is mumble incoherently. He can faintly hear the words ‘Simon’ and ‘my life’ and ‘his business’. She has her arms crossed and she stares out of the window huffing childishly. Even now, he can’t help but find her cute. She looks like a small child being deprived of her TV privileges, not at all the forty year old woman who is considering becoming a mother.
He follows her into her house and makes a drink for them both, nothing too strong. He hands one to her when she comes out of the bathroom, in her pyjamas and make-up free. She regards it for a moment, she doesn’t drink very often, but takes it. It’s as close as sorry Daniel gets, she knows. He smiles.
“My kid would need a father, Dan,” she says, just when he thinks she was going to stay silent the whole night.
“Just call me daddy,” he says, puffing out his chest. Paula wants to stay mad, but she ends up giggling at his nerdy self.
“Seriously, Danny, I love you and all, but she’ll need a daddy to call her own.”
“She?” Daniel raises a brow and Paula looks down shyly.
“I guess a little girl sounds very tempting... but I don’t mind either.” With that, he knows her mind is already made up. He can tell that she has already dreamt of what she’d look like, that she’d love dance and call her ‘mama’. That must be why her eyes look so dreamy.
“Mhmm.” She slaps his arm.
“I don’t know why I have been putting it off,” Paula says, a little suddenly. “Something is just holding me back.”
“If it happens, it was meant to be. If it doesn’t happen, it’s for the best,” Daniel says. Paula nods.
“I want a real family, Dan.” She sighs and lets Daniel hug her.
“Well you could go out with that Hank fellow you told me about. Maybe he wants kids.”
Paula gives him a look. “Oh sure, I’ll just go out on a date with him, and go ‘hey, will you be the father of my baby?’”
Daniel laughs hard. “It could be a gradual thing. You’re not that old, P. You still have time for dating and finding your one true love.” He places a hand over his heart dramatically.
“I guess so.”
“Call him.” Daniel places Paula’s mobile phone in her hand and walks to the kitchen.
“Daniel!” She calls from behind him, irritated. He doesn’t look back. “Fine then.”
She fishes for Hank’s phone number and dials. Within seconds he picks it up. “Hello?”
“Hi, Hank, it’s Paula... I was wondering if we could meet up sometimes this week ...Tomorrow, oh no, I’m not free then... How about Saturday? Sure... See you then.”

***
Butterflies flutter in Paula’s stomach as she opens the door for Hank. Saturday had come too quickly and she hasn’t had enough time to brace herself.
“For you,” says Hank and presents her a bouquet of pink roses. Paula smiles shyly and allows him to enter.
“They’re beautiful,” she says and breathes their scent. “I’ll just find a vase and we can go.”
“Honey, could you put these in the crystal vase in the living room?” She asks and passes the roses to Marina, the housekeeper, but not without a final sniff.
Hank follows Paula silently into the dining area, where the dogs are busy playing. She collects her coat and purse, watching Hank’s reaction to her babies. He is quite indifferent to them which disappoints Paula, but she lets it slip. Not everyone can be as big a dog lover as her.
“Let’s go.” Hank offers her his arm and she takes it.
In the car, Hank tells her that he is taking her to a lovely restaurant at the Hilton Hotel which pleases Paula. She doesn’t demand it, but it is nice to be spoilt every once in a while and she knows Hank has no shortage of money. It’s a relief when you’re a famous persona, to not have to worry about your partner being intimidated by your success.
“May I tell you how beautiful I find you, Paula?” asks Hank in a low tone. Paula blushes. He must be a prince pulled out of one of her childhood fantasies.
“Thank-you, Hank. You’re pretty handsome yourself...” Her face reddens.
The night goes by without a hitch, with delicious food and slow dancing. God, the man could dance – Paula swooned at the thought. To be able to go dancing with a man, as a dancer yourself, and not have to take the lead was a rare case. She was smitten before the night was over.
“Goodnight, Paula,” Hank whispers, at the doorstep of her house once again. He touches the strap of her wine coloured dress, trailing his finger to her cheek.
“Goodnight.” Hank kisses her cheek softly and smiles as he pulls away. He waits until she has entered the house and with a small wave, closes the door, before he gets into his car.

Chapter 12
The boys have been sharing secrets the whole night, casting tentative looks at Paula and discussing surreptitious affairs. Even Randy seems to be part of it, leaving Paula more suspicious than ever. Simon hasn’t been making silly comments in her ear this time and she is wondering what is wrong with her today. Did she smell okay? Yes, she was wearing the same perfume, vanilla scented. Did she have something in her teeth? No, Daniel would have told her if she had.
It is Daniel in fact who reports what is going on after the show, after she had seen Simon speak to him briefly. Paula had only ever seen them talk once or twice, and never did their conversations last long.
“They’ve planned a boys’ night out,” reports Daniel. He is packing up his hair styling things in a bag, while Paula changes in the bathroom, with the door cracked open.
“And you were invited?”
“Yeah.” It pangs at Paula’s heart briefly. She pulls her t-shirt over her head and walks out.
“Have fun, then.” She raises her arms for a hug but receives a funny look in return.
“You honestly think I’d go?” He raises an eyebrow. Paula shrugs, and he laughs. Taking her into his arms, he says, “no way am I picking Mr. Grouchy pants over my itty-bitty Paula.”
She giggles and hides under his arms. Danny really is the best friend a girl could ever ask for. “So what are we going to do then? Movie night?”
“Paula, be serious.” He pulls away and rests his hands on her shoulders. “I’m taking you out of course! A night of payback.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Simon is a pain in the ass, really, saying how you’re a girl and you can’t come even though I told him it was only fair that you do. So we’re gonna get us some sweet revenge.”
Paula rolls her eyes; why did she expect anything more of Simon? Just because he looked cute with a little girl, doesn’t mean he is suddenly an agreeable, perfect man. She has been stupid to think he really cares about making friends with her. Maybe all he wanted was to play with her mind again, maybe that was all it has even been. She’ll never know with him.
“I’ll call the gang,” she says, with a wry smile.
Forty-five minutes later all Paula’s friends pull up at a club in a limo. It is a posh new place, where celebrities are treated like royalty and Jennifer, Taylor, Jimmy, Donnie and Paula’s cousin Tara are excited. Being friendly with Paula Abdul really does have its benefits. However, the only thing on Paula’s and Daniel’s minds is to get Simon. He must have already arrived with the other guys, and it should be easy enough to provoke him. As they say, two can play.
“Paula Abdul,” says Paula at the entrance. The hefty man at the counter stares.
“So you are – right this way...” Awestruck, he leads them to a large table and asks one of the waitresses to attend to them.
Before the girls’ gushing can die down, Paula has already set her eyes on the Idol group just a few tables away. It is hard to spot them all but she can see the shape of Randy, and his bald head gleaming under the spot lights. Next to him is Brian, and she knows Ryan and Simon are there too, but cannot spot which is which behind the screen of several underdressed young women shimmying their hips.
In vain she tries to have fun, tries to participate in the banter between her friends, but all she really wants to do is march over there and say, ‘look, I’m here, and I can dance better than these oversized Barbie Dolls.’
When Ryan is dragged onto the dance floor, the other three men shying away, Paula immediately grabs Jimmy and follows. The sandy haired girl can shake her assets in any man’s direction, her revealing costume only accentuating them, but it takes Paula Abdul to leave the men drooling, though fully clothed and perfectly decent. In no time at all, Ryan takes notice of her and her skills, eyes popping out of their sockets.
“Paula? W-What are you doing here?” He stares at her and she stops mid-twirl. Jimmy slings his arm around her shoulders.
“Dancing, of course. Me and my friends are all here,” she smiles gleefully, pointing to her group that is now close by where she stands.
“Can I have the next dance?” He looks at her hopefully.
“It’s boys’ night out though. I wouldn’t want to intrude.” With a crafty smile, Paula turns and walks away back to her table, numerous men staring after her.
In no time at all, Ryan has run back to the table and told the other men about their lovely invader. Brian and Randy gawk in her direction, whispering to themselves while Simon actually stands up to see for himself. Smirking, he makes his way to their table and Paula obviously ignores his arrival.
“Hello, Paula, Daniel – lovely to see you here.” He smiles boyishly and cocks a brow at Daniel.
Taylor and Jennifer admire his face and thick accent, and Jennifer licks her lips teasingly at Paula from behind Simon’s arm.
“So you’re the famous Simon, am I right?” asks Tara.
“Yes, the very famous one.” He winks. “And what’s your name, darling?”
“I’m Tara, Paula’s cousin.” She twists her long blond hair around her finger, grinning.
“Can I buy you a drink then, Tah-ra?” He leans closer to her, one hand on the table, separating her from Paula.
Tara glances at her cousin warily; she doesn’t want to offend Paula in any way. But she merely shrugs indifferently, and Tara agrees. The two end up sitting beside each other, Paula on Simon’s other side once Jennifer and Taylor grab the guys to dance. Daniel squeezes Paula’s shoulder as Taylor pulls him away.
Paula sips her coke and watches as Simon passes Tara another drink, smiling mysteriously. He begins to start small-talk, angling his body almost fully towards her and his back to Paula. Tara attempts to bring Paula to into the conversation numerous times, voice wavering.
“Paula what do you think?” She asks yet again.
“Oh I– ” Paula is quickly interrupted.
“Well, never mind that. Tell me more about you,” Simon says, completely ignoring her.
“Actually, I have an opinion and if you would give me a chance to-” Paula’s voice rises.
“Honestly Tara, you sound like such an enchanting woman, do tell me-”
Paula stands up, making sure to let her chair scrape the floor nicely. A few people turn to her over the music and she smiles at them angelically, though she feels nothing like an angel with the anger bubbling inside her. She walks away purposefully bumping into Simon’s shoulder and not looking back. On the dance floor, Daniel immediately finds her and wraps his arms around her. He goes in for a hug, but she changes their position so that they are dancing. Two minutes later, all the other men in the club have pushed Daniel to the back of the crowd, and are fighting for Paula. The Barbie Dolls watch partner-less from nearby wondering what they did wrong. Perhaps they should try on clothes next time.
The music throbs in her ears, and though Paula has had nothing alcoholic to drink today, she feels reckless and wild. She feels like putting herself out there and she wants Simon to watch her. Every little while she turns to his table, and every time she does, he is just glancing back into Tara’s eyes, as if they had been somewhere else before. After a few minutes of hoping, she catches him. Her cousin sister is trying to talk, her words now sounding somewhat desperate for the attention he is no longer giving her. Simon, however, can’t seem to hear a word, his eyes transfixed on the dancing beauty.
Paula guesses that he must be looking at her body because he has yet to notice her smirk as one tall man pulls her close. When he sees this, his eyes jerk up to her face only to find her laughing. He can’t help himself, because the next thing he knows, he is laughing too. They laugh at each other and themselves from across the club, for no apparent reason to anyone around them, all ill feelings evaporating. He gives her a thumbs-up, before turning red in his hysterics. The man that had just been dancing with Paula walks away but she doesn’t notice.
After escaping to the bathroom to fix her make-up and returning, she notes that Tara has left and makes a mental note to call her tomorrow. Simon is now smiling broadly in a way that makes the gang –all of which have joined him at his present table- think him to be a little tipsy.
When Paula is leaving, she does not say goodbye to them, does not turn back and wave or smile, but Simon could not care less. Things have taken yet another turn for them, and they will only know where they’re headed when they talk at Idol next.

***
“Would you consider us friends?” asks a voice from the across the corridor.
Paula, along with every crew member and runner, turn to that voice. Simon stands there looking as regal as he always does, arms crossed, leaning against the wall. She rolls her eyes, walking into her dressing room without answering. Simon runs to catch her before the door closes, and sticks a hand out. He weaves his way into the room and stands against the door, coughing slightly. ‘The things he does for his pride, honestly,’ Paula thinks.
“I don’t think you heard me, darling. I asked if you think we are friends.” He straightens up and makes himself comfortable on the sofa. Paula bites her lip uncomfortably; the last time he was here, he had been undressing her with his eyes.
“Depends on your definition of friendship.” She shrugs and sits down at her dressing table. She feels like doing her own make-up today, so she fishes out her foundation powder from the drawer and opens the compact.
“Is that a no?” Simon wonders aloud, watching her pad her face softly.
“What we do is not friendly, Simon. It’s a game, isn’t it? We play this sick game that we don’t even know the rules to.”
“What game?” Simon asks innocently.
“This game.” Her hands make a gesture between the two of them.
"Oh you mean the one where we fight and make up, fight and make up again? Well I thought it was just getting heated." He grins boyishly, causing Paula to roll her eyes again.
“Good for you – Ow.” She winces in pain, fingers flying to the nape of her neck.
Simon sits up in alarm. “Are you alright?” He sounds concerned, but Paula immediately straightens herself.
“I’m fine. Just a little pull,” she lies. Simon stands and walks towards her.
“Can I do anything to help?”
His fingers brush where she had been pressing moments before and he rubs the tender skin. He can feel a slight spasm going on under the skin, muscles tensing and relaxing. Paula closes her eyes, both the pain and his touch too much for her to take.
“We’re not friends, Simon,” she says, not to hurt him, but to distract him and herself from the pain. He doesn’t know how fierce she can be when her walls are down and she can do nothing to pull them up again.
“I’m just making sure you’re alright?” He speaks it like a question, his voice presenting his injured feelings, and Paula feels horrible. He doesn’t often prick at her heart like that.
“I know – I’m sorry- It’s just hard to deal with.”
“What is?”
Again she has said too much, again she doesn’t know what to say as Simon continues to massage her neck. His touch is gentle, as his index finger rubs circles on the hurting spot while his thumb caresses the back of her neck subconsciously. If she weren’t in so much pain, she would shiver with the contact, but now all she can think of is closing back her shell; she is close to tears and does not need anyone to see it. Where is Daniel when she needs him?
“Are we ever going to end this game?” she enquires, refusing to speak anymore about her neck.
Simon gets the hint. “I’d be disappointed if we did.”
“We could be friends.”
“What fun would that be?”
The pain subsides, Paula pulls away, and they both grin.
“Who knows,” says Simon, “maybe one day we will be.”
Paula pretends to think about this, holding her chin. “Nah.”

Chapter 11
It is a Friday evening, and Paula is having the heart to heart she promised her mother an age ago. They sit in her mother’s living room, bare footed and occupying two large sofas.
“You know what I think about the situation, dear,” Lorraine sighs.
“I know – and I know you’re right too...” Paula covers her face with one hand. “It’s just I have so much going on right now and things are really taking off.”
“Paula, are you scared? It’s okay to be scared you know.”
“I’m not scared of adopting a kid! It will be different of course, but it sounds exciting and I’ve always wanted to be a mother.”
“So what’s stopping you?” asks Lorraine.
“I don’t know, mom. I just need some time to get my priorities straight, that’s all.”
After an exchange of awkward smiles, they say no more on the subject. Though Paula loves her mother very much, she sometimes cannot see things from her point of view. Paula is much more like her father; ambitious and wild. Now however, Paula is wondering if her ambition is going to make her regret her decision some day, should she not make the right one. She frets on the topic for the next three days, lying awake in her bed for whole nights.
How she longs to hold a baby in her arms and call it her own, decorate a nursery and be a ‘soccer mom’. Then again, there are those doubts that she could ever be one of those mothers, because of her workload and fame. And if she weren’t to have enough time for her child, she would be a bad mother. And what about a father? Little boys need a firm hand and little girls need a daddy’s affection. Would her child feel like a misfit?
On the third day of her worrying, her best friend Daniel finally calls her out on it. He should be doing her hair at the moment, but Paula’s eyes are looking far off in the distance of the walls in her house, and she is much too quiet for his comfort. He lets her damp hair go and places his hand on her shoulders.
“Penny for your thoughts, or is it just empty in there?” Daniel knocks her head playfully as he would a door.
Paula shakes her head as she snaps back before giving him a look. “My head is full and functioning, thank-you.”
“Well then what? What could you possibly be hiding from me? A hot guy? It is, isn’t it?” Daniel gasps. “You have a guy and you didn’t even tell me about him – ” he progresses into a long speech, reminding Paula just how many years they have been friends and how he never hides anything from her, not giving her a word in edgewise. “And I thought we were friends!” he huffs.
“Daniel?” Paula asks once he is done, turning on her stool.
“Yeah?”
“There is no guy.”
“Oh.” Paula giggles and pats his hand reassuringly. “Then what is it?”
“Nothing. I’m single and fine.” She sounds almost authentic but he knows better than that.
“Paula, I swear I will never talk to you again if you don’t tell me what’s on your mind –”
“I’m going to adopt a baby!” She says, louder than she means to. Daniel stares at her and blinks.
“You are?”
“Well, at least I was... I just don’t know anymore.”
“Paula, I think that’s great!” he says, fully serious now.
“Really?” She looks up into his eyes, searching for some hint of playfulness, but sees none.
“Really.” Daniel pinches her cheek affectionately. “Remember when we were young and fresh in the business? You had a million dreams, to dance on the biggest stages during the day and come home to the perfect family at night. You can still have that you know; it may not be exactly what you dreamt about but it will still make you just as happy.”
Paula contemplates this.
“You know I think you’ll be a great mother. All your doubts will go away as soon as you have that little baby in your arms,” he tries again.
He takes Paula’s arms are folds them as if she were cradling a baby, and she looks down at the invisible bundle with tears welling in her eyes.
“You’re right,” she whispers.
“I’m always right.” There she sees his famous frivolous grin once more. She wrinkles her nose at her friend.
“I’m going to do it.”

***
“Hey Paula!” Ryan greets and waves enthusiastically from the stage. Paula waves back. She gives Brian a smile.
“Sup, Paula?” Randy asks, squeezing Paula’s shoulder as he sits beside her.
“Hey, Randy.”
“Hello, darling,” Simon drawls as he drops a kiss to Paula’s cheek.
“Hi Simon,” she smiles as he sits down beside her at the table.
His arm immediately rests on the back of her chair as he takes a sweet from his free hand and pops it into his mouth. Paula watches him amused as he sucks at the piece of candy blissfully, waiting for the show to begin. Simon returns her stare after a moment and looks puzzled.
He looks down at his hand and back up at her face once more. “Oh, did you want one?” He opens his palm where there seems to lie one sticky sweet already out of its wrapper. Paula grimaces.
“No thanks.”
“Suit yourself,” Simon shrugs.
As the show begins, he takes particular interest in Paula and when she is being introduced, he jabs her ribcage a little roughly. Paula squirms and scoots closer to Randy but there is a little smile on her face that does not go unnoticed by either man. At some point, he also kicks her foot, making Paula jump, startled. She casts him an annoyed look but he grins so innocently, she doesn’t know what to say. He then proceeds to give the wittiest commentary she has ever heard throughout every performance.
When Nikki comes on stage wearing something particularly peculiar, Paula braces herself for it and hopes she can keep a straight face. “What is that – a fish net and tights? Good Lord.” He pulls the side of his jeans so it bunches into his hand giving the effect of skinny tights stuck to his legs and Paula giggles.
He also, much to Paula’s dismay, mentions their last meeting. “You look lovely tonight, Paula.”
“Thanks,” she replies softly, cheeks colouring. She can feel his eyes burning into her skin as he looks her up and down.
“...Though I prefer yesterday’s attire much more.”
Her cheeks turn even hotter and the rest of her follows suite. Damn him.
After the show, Simon turns to talk to some of the contestants who are raving over the charms and trinkets they received from their favourite judge, Paula. Each has their own unique message on them, personalised and everything. It is interesting to say the least, to see how much effort Paula puts into the show and it surprises Simon. When he turns to look for her in the crowd of people backstage, to make a remark, he spots her alone in the corner with Randy’s youngest daughter, Elizabeth. Lizzie is just under six years old, the sweetest age for a little girl. She is holding Paula’s hand above her head and spinning, ballroom dancing. Paula giggles as she picks the child up and spins her around once. It hurts her neck, but she can’t help it, Lizzie is far too cute to resist.
Paula looks up after a moment, for no particular reason, but she is just in time to catch Simon staring at her. She cannot describe the look in his eye because she has never seen it before. Is it admiration? Brooding? She doesn’t know. He catches her eye and smiles almost embarrassedly. She signals for him to come over and he does so after a second’s hesitation.
“Hello there,” says Simon, smiling down at Lizzie. He sticks out a hand and waits for the little girl to shake it.
“Hi.” Lizzie laughs as she takes Simon’s hand, not to shake, but to hold over her head much like she had with Paula and spins.
“Right.” He gives her an amused look while Paula simply laughs at the pair of them. It is strange to see Simon with a child; he doesn’t seem to have any experience.
Kelly Clarkson, one of the contestants, smiles at Paula from across the room and gestures for her to come over so that she can thank her for the beautiful necklace. Paula gladly obliges, leaving Lizzie with Simon for the moment. After a few hugs and gushing thank-yous from Kelly, she turns back to the pair, unprepared for what she was about to witness next.
Simon is seated on a chair he pulled up, with Lizzie on his lap and playing with his fingers. She talks animatedly, using one dynamic hand to elaborate while Simon listens intently and laughs. He tousles her hair once, waving her tiny fingers around in his large ones, as he inquires about her dancing.
When it is time to go, and Lizzie is all set to leave with Randy, she claims to have one last thing to do. Randy, Paula, Brian and Ryan observe as she prances over to Simon who is talking with Tamyra Gray, one of the contestants, and tugs at his shirt. He smiles down at her and she crooks a finger for him to come closer. He bends slightly, wondering what she is up to, when she kisses his cheek quickly and runs away, back to her father.
Simon laughs, bids his goodbyes to everyone and ruffles Lizzie’s hair once more. He is in a great mood tonight and likes that he has become a little closer with everyone, though he wouldn’t admit this. He collects his things from his dressing room; cigarettes, lighter, wallet and phone. Smiling to himself as he walks out, he does not expect Paula to call after him.
“You’re good with kids,” she says, from somewhere behind him in the otherwise vacant corridor.
Paula jogs and catches up with Simon who is now leaning against the wall of the passage with a cocked eyebrow. She isn’t sure why she had this urge to tell him that, but something inside her wants to know if he was even remotely interested in having his own children some day.
“I’m good at everything, love,” he smirks. Paula rolls her eyes, leaning against the wall opposite him.
“Why don’t you have any of your own?” she asks.
“I don’t have the time. I wouldn’t bring a kid into this world just to leave him home with the nanny.” Simon shrugs. “What about you? You’re adopting a kid, aren’t you?”
Paula is surprised that he mentioned it; because he hadn’t since the time they fought before, where he spat it in her face spitefully. So it seemed he was mature enough to have this conversation. “I am.”
“Girl or boy?”
“Whichever I fall in love with first,” she says, and gets a dreamy look on her face all of a sudden.
“I don’t like babies,” Simon says, a little randomly. Paula screws up her face bemusedly.
“Why not?”
“They cry a lot, and they smell, and they’re just a load of work. Puppies are the better alternative.”
“Simon, how can you – ”
“No, seriously. They’re small so you can carry them, they whine but they don’t cry, and you can toilet train them almost immediately. And they don’t steal the car at fifteen.” He laughs. Lord knows they did not need another one of him in this world.
“You stole cars?” Paula gasps.
Simon raises his eyebrows suggestively. “I was the bad boy of the town; every girl’s dream guy and every father’s nightmare.”
Paula laughs incredulously. “I’m sure.”
“I was!” He emphasises and she nods.
“I believe you.”
They smile at each other, knowing for the first time ever, they were truly okay with being in the other’s company. They walk out together, not at all awkwardly. It is a nice feeling and Paula wonders if this was how she felt right before the first auditions – with this burning hope of the future inside her. The flame is smaller than it was before, but she knows it can easily grow if ignited properly.
“See you,” Simon tells her.
“See ya.”
With a parting wave goodbye each, they turn and head back to their respective cars wearing the same smile.