The Inevitable Fanfiction

Chapter 3 – In Honour of Acceptance

There he is. Jeremy Hunter.
I mentally scoff at ‘Hunter’. What a perfect name. He hunted my Paula down and now holds her captive with that weapon he calls an engagement ring. Why did I agree on coming here again? Oh yeah, because stupid Ryan Seacrest doesn’t know how to host a barbeque by himself and needs his, how did he put it? – ‘big brother Simon’ to help him. I’m going to have to see him the whole day now, because we have Idol after this.
Such joy helping a friend out does bring.
I know it was all a ploy for me to meet Paula and Hunter but what can I say? ‘I don’t want to see that thief Jeremy’s face ever again?’ Thief... Is that a suitable title? Did he really steal Paula away from me? Can he steal something that wasn’t mine to begin with?
He’d be a bloody wizard if he could; an evil wizard no doubt. He turns and smiles a white smile at me and begins to walk toward me. I put the spatula down by the side of the coals and extend my hand for him to shake. He does so, rather vigorously might I add.
“Simon! Always a pleasure to meet another Brit, eh?” He asks, too chummy-chummy for my liking.
“Of course,” I smile along with him.
“We’re like brothers, practically,” I could roll my eyes. But I have been taught how indecorous rudeness can be. I grin instead and before either of us could say anything else, Paula appears delicately by Jeremy’s side, all smiles.
“Hi, Simon,” she says and takes my hand, pulling me close so she can kiss my cheek. I kiss her too and we grin as if there is nothing wrong. As if there is nothing between us. I feel her ring again, and I look down at it gleaming in the sunlight. I have felt her ring-clad fingers against mine for countless years, and yet this one irritates me. Just this one.
“Hello, darling. You look lovely,” I look her up and down in a way that makes her laugh nervously and take a small step towards Jeremy. He wraps an arm around her waist and kisses her hair. My hands close into involuntary fists, and my jaw clenches, but I keep a tight smile and pick the spatula up once more, turning the meat over.
“Ryan bribed you into doing the cooking, didn’t he?” Paula laughs. She almost looks genuine. But I know her better than that. Unlike someone else standing here.
“Blackmailed, more like,” I reply and slide one onto a bun, placing the burger on a plate and handing it to her. I repeat the action and pass one to the evil wizard.
“Thanks,” they both say together and smile widely. He leans down and kisses her nose and she turns away like a blushing teenager. How did she fall under his spell? My God. She acts like putty in his hands. Or maybe it is because it is me watching and she feels timid. I’d like to think it is the latter.
The afternoon goes by without a hitch and soon, when everyone has gotten their burgers, I put out the flame and make conversation with Erika, Randy’s wife. She is a nice lady – very intelligent. Most of the time though, I can’t understand what she says. Not like Paula, where she babbles, but with scientific words and perfect grammar that has me red-faced and feeling stupid. Simon Cowell does not like feeling stupid.
“Attention, attention everyone!” Ryan has on his host voice as if he were on one of his shows, and he is hitting his beer can with a plastic fork, imitating a toast. A rather cheapskate toast, anyway. “Paula and Jeremy have an announcement to make.” My eyes shoot to Paula who has her face hiding behind Jeremy while he laughs.
“No, we don’t!” Paula shouts, giggling and embarrassed. Jeremy takes her arm and she walks reluctantly with him to where Ryan is standing, in the middle of the yard.
“So you all know that they are engaged right?” Ryan asks and the ‘audience’ of the Idol crew and some of Ryan’s friends cheer and whistle. “But it seems they’ve started planning the big day already!” I don’t know if it’s just his irritating host voice or the subject of conversation, but either way I feel like swatting the giant mosquito whose name begins with ‘Ry’ and ends with ‘an Seacrest’.
Paula’s cheeks turn a deep crimson and Jeremy pulls her into his arms, letting her hide in his shirt the same way she had done with me yesterday. I can almost feel my blood boiling. If my cheeks and ears turn red, it won’t be because of embarrassment; that I am sure of.
“We’re getting married in three months!” Says Jeremy and Paula is a shaking ball of bashful laughter in his embrace. I watch him look down fondly at her and even I can’t deny that he seems to love her. It makes me detest him all the more, naturally.
The crowd, besides me of course, cheer and shout ‘congratulations’ over and over as if they felt she hadn’t heard the first time.
Three months. I can’t believe it. Three bloody months. That’s roughly ninety days. I have ninety days to officially get her back, as my own, or prepare to lose her forever. Or until they divorce. And as much as I would hate for Paula to go through that, as much I’d never wish for that upon her, I just as equally want her to run to me when she finds no one else in the world that will get her through rough times. It is wrong of me, plain cruel, but then again: all is fair in love and war, right?
When she excuses herself shortly after, she walks passed me and I can’t help but take her wrist. She tenses and swings around to stare at me.
“I suppose I should say it now since I haven’t yet,” I hold her palm between my fingers; thankful it is the ring-less hand. “Congratulations, love,” I tell her, testing the words on my tongue. I have thought about saying it and how it would feel; you know, that maybe it wouldn’t have been as bad as I thought. But I will follow my gut instinct from now on. The words tasted bitter on my tongue and I felt like I was swallowing a lump after.
“Oh… uh… thanks, Simon,” Her eyes are wide.
“Yes well, there you go,” I shrug it off, trying to look indifferent.
“Does this mean… you know… we’re not fighting? We’re okay,” She squeezes my fingers softly with hers, hopeful.
“We’re okay,” I say that mostly because I like getting along than because I actually feel it’s alright between us.
Her free hand, the one not holding mine, clasps my neck and she gets on her toes, leaning in. I let her kiss my cheek in a friendly way, but don’t linger like I usually would. It might be wishful thinking but she seems somewhat disappointed. She excuses herself once more and escapes to the restroom. Almost immediately after, I see Jeremy walking towards me. He comes up to me and asks to have a word. I am curious, and I must be polite, so I follow quietly.
“Mate, I need your help.” He says, straightforward and to the point.
I grin. Help him? Sure. I’ll help him break up with Paula in the nicest way possible. Help him postpone the wedding as many times as he wants. Of course. I love to help.
“What do you need?” I ask, feel far too sly. My fantasies are overpowering my mind, even though the small rational part of me is saying ‘grow up, Simon. You’re not that lucky’.
“I know how close you and Paw-la are…” I hate that he says her name in the same way that I do. “And I know you’d do anything to make her happy,” He trailed off again, looking down at his hands. He sure knows a lot doesn’t her? I tap my foot, insecure and irritated. Turns out I’m not that lucky after all.
“What are you getting at, Jeremy?” I ask, not at all hiding my disgust. Disgust at what? Probably at myself for knowing he speaks the truth.
“I’m just wondering if you would do the honours of getting the wedding sorted…. You know, just like make it the way Paula would love.” And the disgust has turned into humour. I burst out laughing. This was not part of my fantasy but at least it’s funny!
“I’m sorry? What?! Am I the English Patrick Dempsey now? Like ‘Made of Honour’?!” I laugh an awful lot at the absurdity of the situation. I’m glad no one else is around because my reaction is way over the top, but it’s hard to harbour it all inside.
“Come off it, Cowell. It’s not like that – I just want it to go perfectly for Paula and I’m not asking you to personally arrange the bouquets of flowers now, am I? I’m asking you to tell her assistants and the wedding planners I hired what sort of flowers she would want. It’s not all that frilly maid of honour business,”
“I’m sorry, mate, but in case you haven’t noticed, I’m a guy. And surely there are Paula’s friends, bridesmaids, whatever you call them - to do this for you?” I am still finding it amusing, but now also slightly offensive. Surely I have more testosterone than for someone to ask if I would be Paula’s pretty little maid of honour in a pink dress. I roll my eyes.
“Alright, then. I didn’t mean anything by it, you know. Didn’t really expect you to say yes anyway. No hard feelings, right?”
“Course not,” I give the sincerest smile I can muster. I shake his hand and give him a pat on the back. I don’t particularly dislike him. In fact, apart from this one incident, I have always found him to be an okay bloke. It’s him and Paula together that drive me up the wall. Now, if someone were to ask me to admit that out loud – well, don’t hold your breath.
We walk back outside, to where the group is, and Paula who is now munching on some salad, waves from across the large garden. I smile at her childish gesture and I think she is smiling back at me. But then Jeremy winks and she giggles and bats her eyelashes.
“That’s my cue,” Says Jeremy and he punches my arm in what I think was supposed to be a friendly manner. Damn it, it hurts! He is bloody strong. I mask my hurt with a friendly grin and watch him walk in Paula’s direction.
Randy and Ryan appear like out of thin air, on either side of me, both resting their arms on my shoulders.
“Cowell, you said ‘no’ dint’cha?” Randy asks and Ryan sniggers.
“You mean you KNEW?” I shout and a few people look at me. I am too far appalled to care. The two chuckle and lead me away from the crowd slightly.
“He ran it by us first. We told him it wouldn’t happen but we said to give it a go anyway. It would have been in your benefit in the long run,” Ryan tells me.
“What on Earth are you talking about? My benefit? How?”
“Haven’t you watched the movie?!” Randy asks.
“Yeah, I have. That was the only thing Jackie had in her DVD player for a month. I know it line for line now,”
“Pssh,” Ryan scoffs. He doesn’t believe I can remember any script or number code of any sort.
Surprisingly for Randy, he says, “Then you should know, the man who is in the loop is the man who steals the bride!” Steal the bride. I smirk. That was said repeatedly in the movie.
“Since when do you want me and Paula to be together even, Jackson? I know Ryan would love me as his brother-in-law, but you?” I nudge Seacrest and he makes a face.
“Dawg, where’s the love? I like you, man, I like you a lot. You’re like our bro. And Ryan convinced me to let Jeremy give that idea of his a shot, but personally I don’t know if you can keep up in a relationship with Paula. I mean, she’s a woman, you know. Not another girl who’s good with everything you do,” I open my mouth to protest. Randy cuts me off. “Terri doesn’t count either,” My mouth closes. “I don’t even know what kind of advice to give you. You have matured dude, but –” Randy doesn’t give a reason but instead makes a sound that explains he doesn’t believe it would ever work with Paula and I.
I know where he is coming from. I get that he wants to protect her too, even if it was from me. But I don’t think he has realised just how much I really have changed. I am not the same person I was when Idol started.
“Me on the other hand,” Ryan cuts in, beaming, “I think you and Paula are like the ideal couple. As one of your best friends, I must say the way you look at her is not the usual for you… When I am old and grey, I can only hope the same opportunity will dawn on me as well,” He gives me a huge grin, white teeth and all. I have the urge to ruffle his hair, like I would do to Nick, my brother. They can annoy the hell out of you, but you have to love little brothers.

***
I am in my study, flipping through some documents. Idol was slow again today, and we’ve again narrowed the contestants down. I didn’t even watch the show back. I throw the papers down on the table, realising that the words in front of me are not registering in my brain, therefore I am not reading at all. I am pondering over what Randy, Ryan and Jeremy said to me today. I know if I accept this ‘maid of honour’ role, I am not doing it to make sure Paula has the perfect wedding. If anything, I will try to show her that I am the man for her. But then there’s the thing – if I agree, that means I do believe I am for her.
Do I? Do I honestly trust I have what it takes to be in a relationship with an emotional, workaholic, person like Paula? I have never thought about it in so much depth. That’s usually the woman’s job, isn’t it? Paula does it rather often – analyse and reanalyse the relationship. As far as I know, she and I get along great; we make each other laugh, drive each other crazy and we have this amazing comfort zone that lets us be together with no pretenses.
Alright, fine. I’ll do it. I’ll be bloody ‘maid of honour’ if it means getting my girl. I roll my eyes just at the thought of it – Hunter might ask me for my dress size. I pick up my mobile and text Randy to see if he has Jeremy’s number. He does, and forwards it to me… Now for the tough bit: accepting to become head Bridesmaid.
“Hello?” Jeremy greets. He sounds out of breath and a little rueful. I don’t want to know the details.
“Hello, Jeremy. It’s Simon. Not busy are you?” Instead of an immediate response, I hear Paula’s voice.
“Jer, come back to bed,” She says. My muscles tense and I consider slamming the phone down. I decide against it. I know that voice. That’s her bedroom voice. One I am familiar with and the sound of it floods back so many memories to my mind. The only difference is, she sighed a different name this time.
“Just a minute, love,” He whispers, but I hear him loud and clear. He calls her ‘love’ very often. I grit my teeth involuntarily. “Sorry, Simon. No, I’m not busy,”
“Simon? That’s Simon?” I hear the surprise in Paula’s tone. I can almost see her questioning smile.
“I’m sorry to call so late. I just wanted to say… If you really think Paula would like it, then I’ll get the arrangements for your wedding done. Just send the planners and whoever to my office tomorrow.”
“Oh wow. I wasn’t expecting that at all. Thank-you, Simon. It’s very kind of you. I’ll fill you on the details tomorrow.”
“Yeah, alright. But, Hunter… Make sure this stays between us guys, alright?” I am apprehensive. I have my suspicions that Paula is in on it and Ryan is just waiting to let the shit hit the fan. In other words, blurt it out on his radio show.
“Of course. You have no idea how grateful I am,”
“Right… Well have a good night,”
“I’m sure I will,” He trailed off as if fantasies clouded his mind, and he has no idea how much I would pay to be him just for the night. Just to have what he has. Paula. Even if it is just for tonight. “You have a good night, too. Goodbye,” He says almost like an afterthought.
“Bye,”
We hang up and I let my head fall on the desk I am sitting at. The thought of him in bed with her, touching her, loving her right now, at this very moment, it sickens me. It sickens me to the very pit of my stomach, so much so I might even throw up and even the nausea can’t make the mental pictures go away. I can vividly see him running his fingers all over her body; her neck, breasts, stomach and ending in a place that no one should touch but me. It drives me bloody mad. Her soft moans flood back from my memories, the way they did once my ears and I can hear her as if she was right next to me, under me. Where she has been before. Where she should be now. I find myself chanting something like a mantra, saying ‘Don’t say his name Paula… Say my name. Say Simon. Simon.’